"HANFORD WORKERS SEEK radioactive mouse," penned the news desk at the Tri-City Herald, unwittingly evoking the nuke-deformed beings from The Simpsons (like the three-eyed fish or a glowing Mr. Burns). But the story was no joke. In November, workers at the decommissioned Hanford plutonium production site discovered mouse droppings that made their Geiger counters hiss like cats. Now the Hanforders are on the hunt for the plutonium-­pooping pip-squeak. They’d found similarly contaminated rabbit excrement weeks earlier, so the two prevailing theories are that either the mouse and rabbit both slaked their thirst with the same tainted water, or (grosser) the littler rodent frolicked in a pile of radioactive bunny dung. The mouse better hope it’s never caught. Some suspected pluto–Peter Cottontails met their makers when Hanford workers introduced them to the ugly end of a pellet gun.