Perhaps you've seen February issue of Seattle Met on newsstands, a helpful compendium of places to have brunch. And there is no TV show more dedicated to the pursuit of a good waffle than Parks and Recreation, which will air its final episode later this month.
In celebration of both these things, we present you Seattle's preferred brunch destination for various characters in the Pawnee universe.
Leslie Knope: Portage Bay Cafe
Pawnee's resident determinator would have more than enough pep to endure the hourlong waits at this friendly University District spot. In fact, she'd probably relish the opportunity to grill Seattle's publicly educated youth on their civic engagement opportunities.
She'd order: The notable absence of waffles on PBC's menu would be a complete anathema to Leslie, so she'd probably take it upon herself to buy the staff a waffle maker. In the interim, a pile of French toast would do—topped with an even bigger pile of whipped cream from the toppings bar.
Ron Swanson: Stoneburner
Sure, Ron-tanamo Bay might be opposed to the vegetable-forward menu, but the macho name, brick oven, and abundance of egg dishes at this handsome eatery may just make it an acceptable substitute for Mulligan's.
He'd order: All the bacon and eggs that Jason Stoneburner has, and maybe some biscuits with sausage gravy for dessert
Ben Wyatt: Brave Horse Tavern
Tom Douglas's SLU saloon tends to be full of techie nerds, so it'd be easy for the Architect to find a Cones of Dunshire league to join. If he ever tired of the Cones, he could just as easily show off his gaming prowess at the tavern's two shuffleboard tables. It's also a short bus ride away from KeyArena, where Ben could watch a Rat City Rollergirls bout. He likes a woman in skates.
He’d order: The Elvis Pretzley, because he can’t resist a pun ("Calc-u-later!")
Chris Traeger: Juicebox Cafe
Any brunch spot that has “wellness shots” on the menu is where Chris Traeger belongs. This sunny Cap Hill cafe would be a Dr. Richard Nygard–approved place for Chris to ward off the Seattle blues and avoid careening toward bummertown. He and his fallopian princess could work off brunch with a jog around Cal Anderson Park afterward, which would make for literally the best Sunday morning in the history of the universe.
He’d order: A lacinato kale and romaine green juice, a crunch salad, and a gluten-free bran muffin—which, as we all know, is the highest honor flour can achieve.
Ann Perkins: The London Plane
The same sensibility that drew her to Michigan would also draw Beautiful Ann to the London Plane. Something tells us she’d appreciate the girly, pretty dining room—so many amenities!—which is just blocks from the UW medical clinic on Third. She and baby Oliver would feel right at home among the crowds of hip urban moms getting their Caffe Umbria fix.
She’d order: A clandestine hit of refined flour in the form of a labneh-frosted cinnamon roll and some organic Old Chaser farm vegetables to take home to her health-nut baby daddy
April Ludgate and Andy Dwyer: Quality Athletics
April would appreciate the opportunity to make fun of all the hipsters throwing back heirloom carrots and poppy seed coffee cake in this ironically kitschy sports bar. Her husband, on the other hand, would be all about the 15 flat screens that show a rotating selection of NFL, NHL, and NBA games all morning long. Go Colts!
They’d order: The breakfast funnel cake, because they are adult children.
Donna Meagle: Joule
Chic, sexy Joule would be the perfect spot for Miss Meagle to treat herself after watching the sun rise over Puget Sound from her Seattle condo. She’d surely appreciate the surfeit of beardy, beefy men on the shipyard-lined edge of Lake Union, who could show her around some of the city’s less-crowded fish markets after a Korean fusion breakfast. No teeming Pike Place Market masses for Donna. The Meagles are a cold people.
She’d order: A trip through the elegant buffet and a Sweet Freedom cocktail—and a muscle-bound sailor to go, please.
Tom Haverford: Monsoon
Lovely small plates abound at Monsoon’s dim sum brunch—and the natural light pouring through the huge front windows would make for some Bloosh-worthy Instagram pics. After plying Eric Banh with pho broth Bloody Marys from the restaurant’s new bar, Tommy Fresh would probably try to talk him into investing in his Pawnee bistro.
He’d order: Steamed dumplings, daikon cakes, the housemade brioche—dim sum is basically a meal comprised entirely of apps and 'zerts, so you really can’t go wrong.
Gary/Jerry/Larry/Terry Gengurch/Gergich: The Harvest Vine
Jerry would try to romance his improbably hot wife at this sophisticated Madison Valley spot…only to discover that brunch service ended in late December. Dammit, Jerry.