Date: A stifling hot afternoon that now feels like ancient history but was probably this past Monday — though it might have been Tuesday. The heat makes even the days melt.

Setting: A set of horribly uncomfortable wrought-iron chairs outside a downtown cafe.

Characters: Me and Her

Her: What’s that shoe that Michelle Whatsherface has been wearing?

Me: Sorry, I’m going to need more information. Obama? Trachtenberg? Michelle Who??

Her: Oh… (snaps fingers) … Williams! Yeah. Adorable Michelle Williams. And that nursing home sandal with the unpronounceable name.

Me: Worishofer.

Her: Do people wear those here?

Me: Sure, yeah.

Her: Like who?

Me: I mean, I don’t have a list or anything. Are you in the market for a pair?

Her: I can’t decide. Who carries them?

Me: I know Olivine, now in its online incarnation, does.

Her: Good to know. They seem comfortable. I mean, they must be comfortable.

Me: They must be?

Her: Yeah, I mean, because they’re so …

Me: Ugly?

Her: Yeah.

Me: I don’t know that they’re that ugly. No, wait — I don’t know that they’re ugly at all. The colors are nice — and there’s nothing wrong with a classic, ‘70s-feeling cork wedge. Topped with a pair of straight-legged, high-waisted jeans and a crisp, tucked-in menswear-inspired shirt with the sleeves rolled up? That’ll take you from late-summer right into early fall.

Her: You’re right. And they’re not ugly. I mean, not like … you know.

Me: What?

Her: Uggs.

Me: Hm, yeah, well. No comment.

Curtain