Not a single snowflake has fallen in Seattle proper yet this year, but with the specter of snow in this weekend’s forecast, we’ve already staged a collective freak-out.
And who can blame us? During last year’s snowpocalypse, the city got dumped on (by Seattle standards): Sea-Tac Airport registered 20.2 inches, making it the snowiest February on record. Thousands lost power. I got cabin fever and fell down an entire flight of icy stairs on my way to get beer.
What I’m saying is, if we get another winter storm like that one, prepare to meet a whole new set of neighbors. Here are some of the Seattle personalities you’ll run into if round two comes around.
Complains that no one can drive in the snow and crashes on Capitol Hill.
You know the type: Just moved here from Minnesota; actually owns a shovel. This show-off inevitably ends up playing bumper cars down Roy Street in a classic case of Midwestern hubris, failing to account for the existence of hills and the abysmally low number of snow plows per capita.
Gets a little too cozy spending all that time indoors.
We have this person to thank for the baby boom that probably happened approximately nine months after last year’s snowpocalypse. Someone get the FYI Guy on that, stat!
Buys out PCC at the sight of the first snowflake.
This wide-eyed prepper-to-be has the quantity thing figured out but breaks down when it comes time to trade organic produce for nutrient-dense nonperishables. Shine on, you crunchy diamond: We’ll be snowed in for three days max.
Stays outside from dawn til dusk shoveling all those godforsaken sidewalks.
Are Seattle homeowners really unaware that they’re supposed to clear their own sidewalks, or are they just feigning ignorance so they don’t have to? Thankfully, most every neighborhood has at least one disgruntled overachiever who does everyone else’s dirty work for them. Note that despite being in a foul mood about the whole ordeal, this dynamo will generally refuse help if offered, but will never turn down a hot buttered rum.
Breaks a leg trying to sled in a kayak at Gas Works Park.
Hey, it was fun while it lasted.