Hot Take

Which Seattle Billionaire Would Make the Best President?

Schultz 2020?

By Seth Sommerfeld May 17, 2017 Published in the June 2017 issue of Seattle Met

Final hottake ugh ylqmeh

So, America wants a billionaire to run the country; how about picking one that’s actually successful, sans bankruptcies? Since he stepped down as Starbucks CEO, rumors have circulated about whether Howard Schultz might run for president. And while Amazon’s Jeff Bezos says he has no political aspirations, Amazon is taking over everything else. It all begs the question: Which Seattle billionaire would make the better POTUS?

Howard Schultz

Former Starbucks CEO and Chairman
Net worth: $3 Billion

  • A man with no qualms about putting a Starbucks across the street from another Starbucks clearly understands the value of investing in infrastructure.
  • After ruining Christmas forever with decoration-free red Starbucks holiday cups in 2015, Schultz already has experience dealing with absurd nonscandals.
  • Tough to believe he’ll keep jobs in America when he couldn’t even keep the Sonics in Seattle.
  • Plan to make October National Pumpkin Spice Awareness Month seems tacky—and redundant. 

Jeff Bezos

Founder, Chairman, and CEO of Amazon
Net worth: $77.2 Billion

  • U.S. drone policy shifts from unmanned bombing to delivering Frasier DVD box sets to your front door* with deadly precision.  (*Amazon Prime members only)
  • Unlike many politicians these days, the guy who owns The Washington Post actually values the power of the free press.
  • Instilling Amazon’s hard-charging culture on a national level causes everyone to quit America after a few years (as soon as their stock vests).
  • After Trump, America may not be ready for another bald president.
Show Comments