WE’RE NOT GOING TO BLAME Heart’s Ann and Nancy Wilson for going all cease-and-desist when the GOP rocked their 1977 hit “Barracuda” on the campaign trail in honor of wannabe veep Sarah Palin, but their anger was a little misplaced. It wasn’t the Seattle sisters’ political opposition to the moose-hunting hockey mom that made the song a bad fit—it was the lyrics: “‘Sell me, sell you,’ the porpoise said / Dive down, deep down, to save my head”? Really? Win or lose, here are a few more fitting Heart tracks for ­Palin’s political career. — Matthew Halverson

I can snap my fingers and get quick results /
I can wink my eyes and melt their little hearts

With her knack for turning on the every-mom charm and dishing out the occasional wink, the former beauty queen barely needed to say a word to woo all those Joe Sixpacks and Main Streeters. So she didn’t.

Standing in line at the tabloid shrine in the middle of the public night / Addict consumers consuming the rumors with a killer, killer appetite

How better to claim victory over the media elite that dredged up her baby-grandmama drama than by having a red-faced McCain belt this one out?

Make so much misery in this cliché town / They just love to get it up for the big let down

No matter what happens on election night—and no matter how little experience she has—McCain’s gal pal is savvy enough to know that the only thing DC loves more than a Cinderella story is a cautionary crash-and-burn tale.

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