Jane austen coloured version tu9um7

January packs a potent combo of brain and brawn. The badass women of Rat City Rollergirls dish out body blows and high-energy entertainment every time they hit the track, and you can catch the action during the season opening bouts on January 14. But if after watching the battle, your mind craves a more soothing diversion, curl up in Sorrento Hotel’s Fireside Room for Seattle Arts and Lecture’s Local Voices readings on January 18. In honor of both events, we dreamt up the ultimate roller derby team of female authors. 

Team Name

Virginia Woolf Pack

Roster 

  • Pain Austen  
    Low blows and high society.
  • J. K. Brawling  
    And you thought the hallows were deathly…
  • Toni Gore-ison 
    Beloved, but no love lost.
  • Harpooner Lee  
    Killed so many mockingbirds.
  • Judy Doom  
    Are you there, God? It’s me, blowing by you on the rink.
  • Cheryl Flayed  
    The pain from walking the Pacific Crest Trail can’t compare to her elbows.
  • Maria Disassemple  
    A: Bernadette was fleeing Maria’s game-day stare.
  • Alice “You’re Gonna Needa” Walker  
    The color purple is an apt name for the bruises she inflicts.
  • Agony Christie  
    The only twist here is her twisting your arm.
  • Betray Me Tan  
    Any joy or luck your club had will run out.

Alternates

  • Edna St. Vincent Will-Slay
  • Sylvia "Blood" Plath
  • Stephanie Terrif-meyer
  • Gillian Grimm
  • Joan "Broken Bone" Didion
  • Scary Roach
  • "Human Target" Marget Atwood
  • Malice Munro
  • Ayn Ran-dom Acts of Violence
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