Flaking on plans is a Seattle-born art form. And that was prepandemic—with the threat of coronavirus looming in every droplet, waiting to fall from your Tinder date's mouth straight into your double vodka soda, withdrawal isn't just tempting. It's patriotic.
But let's be practical. Unless Jeff Bezos's next move is turning the Spheres into HQ for some new age cult of celibacy, we have to find a way to make romance happen. Here are some common meetups from safest to riskiest.
The only date you can ditch at the drop of a Wi-Fi signal.
Socially distanced walk in the park
As the name suggests: easy! As the name also suggests: devoid of romance.
Drinks on a bar patio
The sweet and chivalric lending of coats has no place in this ruthless environment. You must fend for yourself.
Sex with a mask
Name one hookup worth a two-week quarantine (and send them my way).
Candlelit restaurant dinner indoors
Best case, your server gets a front-row seat to your first attempt at socialization since you had that tiff with your sourdough starter. Worst case, you serve up Covid-19 on a flying speck of salad dressing.
Sex without a mask
Big weddings are out of the question. This is the next-best symbol of your lifelong commitment to monogamy.