I’m not sure I’ll ever forget the afternoon my older brother asked me if I wanted to play 52 Card Pickup.

He sat on the edge of the couch expertly shuffling cards on the coffee table while a M*A*S*H rerun played on the TV. I looked around the living room to make sure he was talking to me, thrilled at the possibility that after 12 years on earth I was finally worth a half an hour of his leisure time. I tried to be casual but blurted out, "Sure!," and you know what happened next. Retrieving every last spade and smug Queen from recliner cushions and magazine racks was nothing compared to retrieving my preteen dignity. I think that took me well into my 20s.

It was nowhere near that bad last night when I said to my husband of seven years, "Want to play 52 Questions Before Marriage?" He managed a weak smile, so I told him I’d start with an easy one. "What made you decide to get married? What reasons might there be NOT to get married," I read off the card. "What do you expect will change when you get married?"

"My wife will get a job editing a wedding magazine, and we’ll have to role play an engaged couple?"

Touchè. The Gottman Institute’s 52 Questions Before Marriage or Moving In is designed not for old married people like us, of course, but for those embarking on a life that seems a lot more carefree and wondrous than it might actually turn out to be.

It’s right there on the back of the box that holds the card deck: "almost half of all marriages ending in divorce…" It’s not easy, but your odds are definitely better, the Seattle-based Gottmans have shown, when communication is liberally applied.

The UW-stationed relationship researchers plug this light, low-key premarital counseling alternative (or, perhaps, precursor) as a method of encouraging friendship and intimacy by getting to know each other deeply. Here, cards marked with spade suits contain questions about work, the club indicates social life queries, diamonds are for money, and hearts, of course, for romance.

"If you came upon a large sum of money, how would you spend it? Which family, friends, or charities, if any, would you give to and why?"

"How will you decide who is responsible for which chores? When the workload gets lopsided, how will you address the issue?"

"How strong are your feelings about visiting relatives on holidays and other occasions? Whose will you visit, and how often?"

"How is this relationship different than those that have not worked out? What will you do if the marriage gets strained or rocky? What specific things do you plan to do to stay in love and keep the romance?"

It’s all stuff that partners should talk about, but it’s all stuff that many partners don’t get around to, either. The Gottmans, like my brother in our childhood, don’t really have a half an hour of good times and leisure in store, but then again, marriage, like life and other things worth the effort, isn’t all fun and games.