Just imagine these names in the harsh light of the light rail station. Beautiful.

The City of Seattle is finally getting around to renaming University Street Station, the downtown light rail stop that has surely perplexed many a tourist, cherry-blossom enthusiast, and college freshman who, reasonably confusing the stop with the University of Washington Station, was instead rudely spat out into the waterfront chill. 

Several name options have been thrown into the hat: Seneca Street (boring), Downtown Arts District (is that a thing?), Benaroya Hall (too highbrow!). This week, a Sound Transit committee officially suggested Union Street/Symphony Station, in part because—get this—it would cost over $5 million to change the station acronym on trains, equipment, and documentation. 

I’m as motivated by $5 million as the next guy. But come on. “Union Street/Symphony Station”? Where’s the pizzazz!? Here are some other ideas for a new name that’ll stay on-budget without making light rail passengers snooze through their stop. 

Usual Seattle Shit

Big Hammering Man. Gigantic bread bowls of clam chowder. Guys in orange construction vests vaping like mad. You know. Usual Seattle shit. 

Unspecified Scent

Transit riders, you know what I'm talking about. Did somebody spill a growler full of Pike IPA, or should we really think about adding some more public restrooms

Urgent Starbucks Situation

Let’s use all the money saved by retaining the old acronym to equip the station with its very own Starbucks. The ~30 locations within a five-block radius are, obviously, not enough.  

Uncertain Sightseers, STOP!!!

We already know they want to go to Pike Place. Why not give them a little extra help?

Upper Class’s Swift Sojourn

Named for the fancy people who frequent the area’s many expensive activities and magically vanish as soon as the Symphony lets out. 

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