1. Bowl of Chex Mix Passed Around by the TV

Dad waxes nostalgic about UW in the ’80s.

2. First Glass of Wine

Brother indiscreetly pulls out a six-pack of hazy IPA.

3. Salad

Everyone is seated. Grandma says nothing, just squints at your cousin’s septum piercing.

4. Mashed Potatoes and Gravy

“Why haven’t you accepted me on Facebook?” asks aunt in MAGA hat.

5. Green Bean Casserole

In-law with startup fever trawls for investor interest in his laundromat slash plant store idea (“Soiled”).

6. Turkey Comes Out of the Oven

Nobody eats it—but everyone has an opinion about which meat dish is the “new” turkey.

7. Pie

Awkward debate over apple versus pumpkin avoided by falling back on a more comfortable territory: gender politics.