HAGGARD COPY CHIEFS in Saint Paul, sports desk punsters in Phoenix, bloggers of Akron, listen up. Also, Manhattan travel writers, Philadelphia newscasters, even private diarists in Willits, California, pay attention: Endless flannel references we can handle. Coffee and rain and the Space Needle as shorthand for our city, heck, we do it, too. Frasier and Grey’s Anatomy, a little worn, but bring it on.

It’s that 1993 Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan romantic comedy—you know the one—and the national penchant for shoehorning the title into any topic related to our city—“Toll-less in Seattle” (New York Times), “Team-less in Seattle” (National Public Radio)—that makes us feel like Steve Ballmer with a baseball bat in an Apple store.

When film fans outside Seattle see that 105-minute tribute to the most saccharine sentiments imaginable, they undoubtedly attribute the most saccharine sentiments imaginable to the city itself. We don’t all live on houseboats, dodge flying fish at Pike Place Market, or ache to find love atop a New York skyscraper. But that’s not why we hate the film.

We hate it because, well, let us count the ways: “Ham-less in Seattle” (HuffingtonPost.com), “Peep-less in Seattle” (Los Angeles Times), “Creep-less in Seattle” (The Boston Phoenix), “Smile-less in Seattle” (Washington Post). Okay, WashPo, you might be onto something. The rest of you: Cut the puns or may Hollywood unleash a romantic-comedy film crew upon your town.