We love Marshawn Lynch. We really do. And not because we’re under any contractual obligations to do so. But…yeah, we don’t love what we’re seeing in the (very long, very abstract) trailer for Family First, the Beast Mode biopic that was announced last summer. You’ve got nightclubs, peewee football games, violent arrests, more nightclubs, romantic conversations about teeth, obnoxious reporters, more nightclubs. It’s like late-era Terrence Malick meets early F. Gary Gray on a Clerks budget. But it was directed by someone named Mario Bobino, who’s most recent picture was 2012’s way-under-the-radar The Female Law Firm. Seriously.

What we’re trying to say is that this thing is a mess. But hey, there’s still time to save it in the editing room. Which is why we tried to stitch together a more coherent narrative through these gifs pulled from the trailer.

After a title card announcing this flick as Beast to the Future, we open on a spat between Marshawn and his girlfriend over what kind of toppings to get on their pizza.

The fight devastates him—until he remembers that he can just hop into the DeLorean and go back in time to stop the fight before it happened.

But first he has to grab Doc Brown’s shades.

Unfortunately, the flux capacitor is on the fritz and instead of going back 15 minutes, he goes back 15 years—and meets his 10-year-old self.

There, he teaches young Marshawn how to dominate at football, including how to make defenders fall down without touching them.

But old Marshawn has a job to do. And even though he knows it could alter the space-time continuum, he tells young Marshawn (through a flashback—to the future!) all about his girlfriend, including the night they met at the club. Thus ensuring that young Marshawn will grow up to not fight with her about pizza toppings.

Unfortunately word gets around that there’s a time machine in the neighborhood, and Marshawn has to leave the past. 

The trip worked, though, because upon arriving safely back in the present, he finds that his girlfriend is there waiting for him—with no memory of their fight—ready to discuss his new grill. Way to go, young Marshawn!

And scene.

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