Schools close. Roads littered with demolished Priuses.
As a sidewalk safety precaution, even artisanal salt flies off grocery store shelves.
Euphoria levels disproportionate to girth of snowmen.
Subarctic food culture becomes all the rage; Tom Douglas and Ethan Stowell open dueling lutefisk stands.
Light Rail expansion halted to fund new commuter dog sled routes.
A liberal stronghold no longer believes in global warming.
FEMA stops returning our calls.