It’s one of those things that probably doesn’t madden us as much as it should: Celebrities—even the kind you need air quotes to talk about (Kardashian clan, I see you)—get tons of free stuff.

They’re loaded up with crazy accessories-filled swag bags at movie festivals and sent impeccably packaged sweatsuits in the hopes that they’ll wear the stuff, and then appear in those vapid Us Weekly photo pages. Of course, the real hope is that you’ll get so motivated by the shot of Jessica Alba in Seven jeans, that you’ll go out and spend your phone bill money on an identical pair.

Now, you and I are too smart for all that. But we do know that that’s how the world works, and, it’s just kind of irritating.

Which is what made me go ahead and read the copy of Will Work for Shoes by Susan Ashbrook that landed in my mailbox.

I’ll say this right now: I wanted it to be juicer. I wanted the ridiculous, obnoxious, glutinous details of Kristen Stewart’s take. I wanted to know about the depths of the most indulgent, suck-up gift bag. I guess I wanted Shoes to be more like, well, Us Weekly.

As it turns out, Ashbrook pioneered the whole product placement thing with clients like Ralph Lauren, Lanvin, Swarovski, and Isaac Mizrahi. Even though she sold her marketing company, she’s not so much dishing as she is promoting her services as a celebrity expert. Inner jacket copy makes it clear who Ashbrook wants to be talking to; "Get your product on the body or in the hands of a celebrity" it says. Case studies of A Pea in the Pod boosting their image by clothing famous baby bumps as well as research findings that reflect the public’s propensity to put famous people on pedestals make her expertise look mighty attractive. But the stuff reads way more like self-help than People.

If you have red carpet aspirations for your gown designs, or if you want to see an A-lister in your T-shirt line, the text will certainly outline how that kind of thing happens. In fact, there’s even a local example. Sort of.

Ashbrook recounts the evening that Sharon Stone wore Seattle’s Elsie Katz Couture to the Emmy Awards. She told the press where the low, low-cut dress was from, and made a joke about designer Donna Baxter milking cows. Did Baxter rocket to fame? Not exactly, but the Dairy Association sent Stone a case of milk to thank her for putting their clients in the spotlight.