Arts & Culture

Today In Hamburgers Eating People: Seahawks Better Than Colts, Worse Than Bills, Lions

By Jonah Spangenthal-Lee September 26, 2011

The world has gone topsy turvy. Dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria.

The Seahawks have a better record than the vaunted Indianapolis Colts. To quote Josh, who knows nothing about football: "I can't believe they fucking won!"

Indeed, the Hawks pulled out a narrow win (the first of four!) against the Cardinals Sunday. They look like a team we can probably beat again down the road, as do the Rams.

Fingers crossed we can still win the division and end up with the 26th pick next year!

Now, Lowlights:

Tarvaris threw it 31 times for 179 yards. Y'know when people say "my kid brother/blind grandmother/dog" could do better than that? That might not be hyperbole in this case.

Our running backs (three of 'em!) were held to a total 102 yards on 23 attempts.

37 percent efficiency on third down!


Sidney Rice defied his torn labrum and looked like he was worth the free agent money (assuming he stays healthyish).

Tavaris Jackson went all Poor Man's Ookie, and scrambled into the end zone on an 11-yard run. Hass would've Elway-helicoptered his way in for the score and died on impact with the turf.

Kam Chancellor lays wood.

Next week: Michael Turner and (some other Falcons players) rack up points at C-Link for my fantasy team.

In other fantasy football news news, I'm really glad I picked up Ryan Fitzpatrick on waivers. Vick's injuries-of-the-week—concussions, bruised hands, herpes—are becoming tiresome.
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