HOLD UP. There's an anti-fighting clause in the contract of Real World cast members? That's like putting a no jumping clause in an NBA player's contract. You’re legislating against the very core of your product.
After weeks of escalating rage, the animosity between cousins Theo and Kassius finally reached its breaking point in this week’s episode of Real World Seattle: Bad Blood. As a result, MTV’s producers kicked Theo out of the house.
After Mike removed himself from the show during the previous episode, Kassius wastes no time in grabbing the “Worst Person in the Cast” brass ring. Despite the constant flow of trash that escapes his own lips—including calling his cousin “a disgrace to your race” the prior week—Kassius remains hung up on Theo’s negative comments. (I legitimately can’t even recall any truly vicious Theo putdowns.) All the time, he keeps talking about how Theo is running his “opportunity” on the show. In Kassius’s own words, “I don’t like what I do in real life. I don’t like the person I am in real life.” (And I don't like the person you are in fake TV life, so we've completed the triumvirate.)
Opportunity is a strange word that’s been throw around a lot on Real World, and not just by Kassius. The housemates bring it up as if there’s some huge financial windfall after the show ends, yet it’s incredibly unclear what opportunity they’re actually talking about. Perhaps nightclubs would offer cast members appearance fees to show up at their parties? I vaguely recall that happening for members of Jersey Shore, but one would have to imagine that well runs dry in short order. Maybe they're referencing the chance to compete on The Challenge, an MTV game show that pits the network’s reality TV stars against one another for cash prizes (23 people have earned $100,000+ over the show’s 28 seasons). But there’s no guarantees of being picked to compete on The Challenge, so that too seems a bit on the pipe dream side of things too. Other than that, it’s hard to imagine Real World as a launching pad for any real career (save for one distinguished pro wrestling champion in the WWE).
While Theo tries to ignore Kassius to avoid further confrontation, it’s clear there’s still a dash of familial love on his side of the equation. When Kassius—blatantly ignoring of his obvious drinking issues—pregames with a bottle of tequila before going out on the town and eventually winds up passed out on the house stairs, Theo carries him to bed and gets him settled. It's a this dude is a worthless idiot, but he's still blood moment. But when the two sit down for an interview segment with producers, things go off the rails. They both mouth off—with Kassius taking the extremely shaky stand that not living with his own son is somehow less pathetic than Theo living with his grandparents—until a supervising producer steps in and attempts to deescalate the situation.
It turns out to only be a momentary fix, because as soon as Kassius returns to the house, he starts talking about how he’s gonna “expose” Theo. What exactly is he gonna expose? No idea! It seems doubtful he has any idea either. I'm pretty sure he just revels in the air of fake tough guy mystery that the word "expose" carries. When Theo walks in on this badmouthing and Kassius tells him to, “Shut me up,” he attempts to oblige the request, and the two finally come to blows. Even then Kassius manages to come off as a weasel, mocking his cousin for attempting to take him down to the ground in a wrestling style instead of “throwing hands.” He says this after multiple security guards pulled Theo off of him. It turns out it’s easy to talk shit when to people are holding back the dude who just had your body pinned.
Despite Kassius clearly being the instigating troublemaker, Theo ends up being the punished party. The parallels between the situation and Bad Blood drug bust incident that got Theo kicked out of college are painfully obvious. Producers inform him that by "physically imposing himself" on Kassius, Theo “violated fighting policy” in his contract (again… WHAT?) and would be forced to move out of the house. After awkwardly packing up his belongings and saying some tearful goodbyes (especially from Tyara and Robbie), Theo departs Real World Seattle. But hey, at least we still get to watch the human garbage antics of Kassius, who—of course—receives no punishment. (Insert sarcastic party horn sound.)
But Theo and Kassius didn’t hold a monopoly on family drama this week. Anna and Katrina continue to separate themselves from the rest of the housemates. In fairness to them, they do seem to be exploring more of the Seattle area than anyone else. For starters, the pair takes a day trip to Snoqualmie Falls for some outdoors time. They follow that up with a trip to a country bar (yes, obviously Little Red Hen, it’s not like Seattle is flush with options), which aligns a little closer to their rural Floridian aesthetics than most of the local Real World nightspots. But it doesn't take terribly long for their isolationism to rub someone the wrong way.
Ever the uniter, Robbie decides to cook an traditional Italian dinner for the house as a bonding event. He just wants everyone under the roof to be a big happy family (at the very least in the Olive Garden “when you’re here…” sense). The dinner receives an amazing boost when Robbie’s mom sends an insane Italian cuisine care package that features 95 meatballs and 10 cases of homemade tomato sauce, which all looks downright delicious (Jenn even refers to the sauce as “bomb.com,” antiquated slang which she seems entirely too young to employ). But while the other housemates rave about the meal Robbie prepares, Anna and Katrina decide to bail on the dinner in lieu of other plans. Just to reiterate they turn down a mouthwatering communal meal that an Italian mother sent from the opposite side of the country. Hell hath no fury like a bambino scored.
It’s clear Robbie is in no mood when Anna asks him what he thinks the top Katrina plans to wear out, so he flatly replies, “I really don’t have a preference to be honest.” On a passive-aggressive scale, it’s was probably a 2.8 out of 10, but Katrina flips out about it. She says, “Robbie’s comment… it’s annoying. It’s rude. And it’s inconsiderate.” (*deep breath* You didn’t eat his mother’s cooking! What bizarro universe are you living in, and what are the rules about inconsiderate actions there?) Tired of the duo’s antics, Robbie confronts them about their isolationist tendencies and lack of respect for his efforts to promote a family vibe in the house. As all parties depart on sour terms, it seems like this plot could be drug out for weeks to come.
But then… resolution. Robbie begins to get hyped because he booked a DJ Maserobbiee set at Tia Lou nightclub (a step up in size from 95 Slide). In a surprising move of human decency, Anna and Katrina reluctantly decide to go because they know how much the night means to him. They end up really enjoying it, and by the night’s end, the sisters and Robbie are on better terms. In the grand scheme of things, this plotline doesn’t amount to much, but it’s the rare case of a well-executed Real World capsule story that fit its beginning, escalation, and resolution into a single episode. After a season’s worth of complicated and convoluted nonsense, the occasional simple story seems like a comparatively savory morsel. Not mom’s meatballs good, but satiating none the less.
Episode Space Needle Count: 14
Running Space Needle Count: 100 (!)
The Real World Seattle: Bad Blood airs Wednesday nights at 10pm on MTV.