YES WE CANÓ
Don't look now, but the Mariners are in 1st place. ... Okay, now you can look. Pretty cool, huh? (Not gonna take full credit for a reverse jinx, but...) The Mariners currently sit atop the AL West at 18-13 for two reasons: a top five pitching staff and Robinson frickin' Canó. In a performance that is polar opposite of his putrid 2015 start, the All-Star second baseman leads baseball with 33 runs batted in and shares the home run lead with 12 dingers. He's been especially fond of maiming the Houston Astros.
In last weekend's series, he clubbed three more solo homers against the Astros, including a dramatic 10th inning game winner on Saturday. Canó already has 16 RBI (!!!) against Houston this season, and if he continues to stay this hot with the bat, Mariners fans might actually have meaningful baseball games to watch all summer long.
MORE MORE MORRIS
Things were looking pretty bleak for the Sounders after March. The club followed up an elimination from the CONCACAF Champions League by starting the MLS season 0-3. Nothing was clicking. It could've easily been the start to a super depressing season, but as the calendar turned to April, things began to change. Since that time, the Sounders are 4-1-1 with their only defeat coming at the hands of the MLS leading Colorado Avalanche.
On Sunday, they continued their winning ways with a 2-0 home victory against the San Jose Earthquakes. Clint Dempsey got things underway with a terrific team goal in the 25th minute. Thanks to a few luckily botched chances by Earthquakes star Chris Wondolowski, the Sounders held tight to the 1-0 lead until Jordan Morris put the game away with a right-footed blast from outside the box in the 88th minute. Morris has now scored a goal in four consecutive games, and looks like he might just be blossoming into the young superstar-level player that Seattle needs in order to compete for that elusive MLS Cup.
When Radiohead works, it works quickly. A week after deleting its online presence, the band released A Moon Shaped Pool, its ninth studio album, on Sunday. Prior to the album dropping, the group released music videos for the new songs "Burn the Witch" and "Daydreaming." The "Burn the Witch" video depicts a small town of childlike stop motion figures engaging in chillingly dark rituals targeted against outsiders (like a lost episode of Moral Orel). The clip for "Daydreaming" finds Thom Yorke wandering through assorted doorways and their subsequent passages. That's it. Strap in for a week of A Moon Shaped Pool analysis via think pieces. (We'll sit that one out, but will check back in if the band announces a Seattle tour date.)
WELL I GUESS THIS IS GROWING UP
There are loads of zany cartoon mascots to represent the pure sugary bliss of breakfast cereal targeted at children: Trix Rabbit, Cap'n Crunch, Lucky the Leprechaun, etc. So shouldn't there also be a cereal mascot to represent the long bummer that is the decent into dietary responsibility?
THESE AREN'T THE DROID PHONES YOU'RE LOOKING FOR
Like it or not, emojis are an unstoppable force. So we might as well use them in the name of the Force. If you're looking for a quick refresher on Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Disney has created a 3 minute video retelling the the stories via the texted pictographs. The amount of detail crammed into this condensed narrative is downright delightful. Bonus: One of those things you never know you needed until you saw it—a John Williams emoji.