Amy Schumer Don’t let the Cabbage Patch face (her words, not ours) fool you: Schumer works blue—like “@#$% you in the *&%ing $#@!” blue. But she’s funny! (Emerald Queen Casino, Mar 21)
Eclipse The Lower Queen Anne black Lab made news this winter when a local DJ discovered that she sometimes rides Metro alone to her favorite dog park. Evidently it’s an off-leash dog park.
Hafid Yassin The Chief Sealth basketball star became Internet famous when video of his gravity-defying dunk went viral. Don’t bother making a flubber joke; he’s too young to get it.
Brandi Carlile The smoky-voiced pride of Ravensdale, Washington, releases her sixth album, The Firewatcher’s Daughter, on March 3. Wait, you think that title is autobiographical?
Yoram Bauman This month the self-proclaimed standup economist will file an initiative that would institute a statewide carbon tax. Don’t forget to tip your signature gatherer.
Elon Musk The electric car maker hopes to send humans to Mars from a new operation here in Seattle. Hey, speaking of, can we nominate Tim Eyman for the inaugural mission?