Tetro’s teen dream.

I’m not allowed, due to press restraints, to review Francis Ford Coppola’s Tetro just yet—although you can probably read between the lines of my preview. But I can bet you this: Alden Ehrenreich, the kid that the camera’s on most of the time, is about to be in every glossy magazine for at least the next year, regardless of how well the movie fares. He’s prettier than Leonardo DiCaprio and anyone with functioning hormones will be glued to his press coverage to make sure that nobody harms him. He’s got that kind of quality.

And he’ll be here on Wednesday, June 10 when the film screens. And you can still buy tickets.

Lest you think I’m superficial, I’ll tell you that Coppola will be here, too. He’s gregarious and generous with his time (he told me some good stories) so if you’re going to see Tetro the only way to see it is on a big screen with the master in attendance.

But, yeah, I’ll be with the girls squealing in the back of the room.

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