Vroom vroom!

You decided to dip. And now you wanna trip cuz another brother noticed me. I’m up on him, he up on me. Don’t pay him any attention. Done cried my tears for three good years. Ya can’t be mad at me—cuz if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it!

If, for some reason completely foreign to me, you are not a)near a radio; b)addicted to surfing YouTube; or c)conscious, then you don’t know that I’ve just quoted the masterpiece of pop poetry known as “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It).” Which means you also don’t know that the goddess Beyoncé sings it. Which makes me very sorry for you.

You can remedy this quite cheaply tomorrow (Friday, March 13) starting at 10am when a limited number of $20 tickets go on sale for Beyoncé’s concert in Seattle.

Now, no, she’s not Barry Manilow, whom I spoke to —did I mention that I spoke to Barry Manilow? —but she is curvaceous, bodacious, and can shake-it-shake-it-shake-it in a way not seen since the days of Ann-Margret. Girlfriend held her own against Prince on the Grammys a few years ago and even managed to emerge from the Kennedy Center tribute to Barbra Streisand last December looking like the queen of all she surveys (no small feat when Babs is in the balcony).

She is also, as evidenced by her publicity photo, a Transformer. UltraBeyoncé is the most powerful of the Cybertron Elite Guard and I would not suggest getting her revved up—unless, of course, you intend to put a ring on it.

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