Morgan Fairchild’s career is more alive than a Connecticut chimp.

Okay, so it’s about 10 o’clock and I’m wrapping up work here when I quickly zip over to Internet Movie Database to find out what’s happening in the world. (What? Did I say something wrong?)

I find this on their News from WENN page (a British wire service, I believe):

"A chimpanzee who went on the rampage in Stamford, Connecticut and grievously wounded his owner’s friend once appeared alongside actress Morgan Fairchild in a TV ad for U.S. clothing firm Old Navy. The ape’s owner, Sandra Herold, stabbed the chimp, called Travis, and beat him with a shovel in a bid to stop him ripping a visiting pal’s face off before cops were forced to shoot the primate dead. But Fairchild insists Travis was nothing but a sweetheart when they worked together. She says, ‘I have a great still photograph of us—he’s sitting there with his arm round me.’ And she’s upset the ape is dead: ‘It is a sin that this animal had to be destroyed.’"

I don’t know where to begin. A chimp named Travis on the rampage in Connecticut? I hate to sound unfeeling but were I a wild animal with a sexy name who was prostituted for Old Navy prior to enforced Connecticut relocation I, too, would attempt to rip someone’s face off.

People should not own chimpanzees nor expect them to hobnob with D-grade celebrities. I hate that I know who Morgan Fairchild is—although I applaud her for her animal sympathy—and I hardly think it’s okay to ask a chimp to say "cheese" with someone whose claim to fame is Flamingo Road (she’s been an outspoken pro-choice advocate, yes, but still).

How many animals have to die for this b.s.? How many rare tigers have to wipe the plastic smile right off their gay magician’s face before we stop using animals as entertainment?

Alright, I’m punchy. I’m going home. But I still feel for that chimp.

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