I’ve got to confess something: I didn’t catch too much of the Golden Globe Awards because I somehow happened to flip the channel and notice that Carrie was on. I realize it’s odd to view The CW’s broadcast of some old 1976 movie when over on NBC the whole world is watching the nail-biting competition for Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. But there you have it. I needed to hear Piper Laurie tell Sissy Spacek, "I can see your dirty pillows."

I did manage to see enough of the Globes to hear two cocaine references within a 10 minute time span and notice that most everybody’s plastic surgery has finally relaxed into something sort of resembling a robot that used to be human. Not that Demi Moore or Jessica Lange have had any work done—they’ve both just been blessed with incredible bone structure, I know. And, hey, you’re not getting me anywhere near The Wrestler but kudos to the Globes for putting a smile on Mickey Rourke’s plasticine mug.

It was nice to see Kate Winslet claim two Globes for the difficult work she did getting skinny and posing naked in Vanity Fair—I mean, the difficult work she did in Revolutionary Road and The Reader.

But I have a hard time respecting any awards that take place in the Beverly Hilton. Who gives awards at a hotel? I imagine some production manager took the stage at 11 o’clock and addressed the crowd with "Okay, people, clear out. We’ve got to make way for the Schwartz wedding tomorrow." And let’s remember that the Hollywood Foreign Press Association has previously given their highest honor to talented thespians such as Sharon Stone, Madonna, and Pia Zadora (Who? Exactly). Although I was honestly very happy for those women on their special day. But we all see my point, yes? My 8-year-old niece has a lock on next year’s award for Best Actress, Musical or Comedy if anyone gets a look at her deft way with a Barbie.

Congratulations, however, to former Seattle fringe actor Paul Giamatti, who took home a Globe for his leading role in TV’s John Adams miniseries, which won multiple awards. I didn’t see John Adams. I think Jaws 2 or something was on opposite it.