Boy George will spend the next 15 months in prison after being found guilty of holding a Norwegian escort hostage on a hook in his bedroom. You can’t make stuff like this up.

When escort Audun Carlsen first brought charges against the Culture Clubber a year or so ago my initial response was, "Yeah, right. ‘Help! I can’t escape Boy George!’" And the jaded part of me still thinks that, were I a Norwegian escort held captive by Boy George, I’d probably rather soldier on in my own private, post-escape sorrow than let the world know I couldn’t outwit the guy who wrote "Karma Chameleon." (Although I do respect the need to keep the world safe for other Norwegian escorts.)

Then I took a look at the most recent photos of the former George O’Dowd and realized that he’s clearly not only never met a plate of bangers and mash he didn’t like, he’s probably a formidable opponent in the bedroom. The man has seen better days, and he’s not happy about it.

I don’t like to make fun of substance abuse problems or jail terms because I just barely escaped the former and the only knowledge I have of the latter comes from watching Jeff Stryker films (if you have to ask, you probably don’t want to know). I genuinely hope Boy George survives the perils of both of his prisons.

And I certainly won’t cross him when he does.