Like an adorable biblical plague, the geocaching mobile game Pokémon Go has overtaken our streets and turned many of our fellow citizens into walking husks with eyes permanently affixed to their mobile screens. Since internet law states that we are legally required to write something about Pokémon Go this week, here are 10 places around Seattle where you might be able to avoid hordes of screen-staring wannabe PokéMasters.
Good luck getting reliable cellular service and GPS tracking in inviting dungeon venue under Neumos. However, phone cameras still work down there, so you might have to deal with an overzealous amateur videographer or shutterbug (ShutterWeedle?) during a concert.
As crazy as this sounds, there was a time when people read things on bound pieces of paper instead of phone screens. Barnes and Noble is one of these ancient "stores of book," where many of these tomes would be sold to consumers. But all kidding aside, the basement of this B&N is a delightful dead spot for cell service. Find a cozy spot, and catch up on some classic American literature.
We're not saying that you should commit a crime in order to be locked away from Pokémon Go players... but that still sound better than being duped into a gunpoint robbery because of the game.
Relieve the stress build up from the people absentmindedly bumping into you on the sidewalk or wandering in front of your car with a session at a local yoga studio like Green Lake's Seattle Yoga Lounge. Since phones aren't allowed in the studio, you're free to go full Meditite.
For obvious reasons of relaxation and privacy, phones are a no-go in women's bathouses like Hothouse Spa and Sauna on Capitol Hill. That means you can't catch any water Pokémon down here, you creeps. (Yes, Pokémon Go nudes are a thing. No, I'm not going to provide a link.)
While there are sure to be people playing Pokémon Go in the waiting rooms, we're certain cell phones aren't allowed in MRI machines. So make sure to injure yourself really bad. Might we suggest...
Just go stand out in the middle of I-5. (Note: Somehow this still might not be a Poké-free zone.)
In the Pokémon Go age, the few restaurants that already have no-phone policies may become escapist destinations. Considering the listed philosophy of Fremont's Art of the Table begins: "Things You Should Do: put away your phone...”, we don't expect them to be placing any Pokémon Go lures to bring in new diners.
1. No one's gonna want to look at their phone with this view.
2. Only a few normal sized humans can climb up the latter and fit in the enclosure at a time.
3. It's part of Petra Franklin's private residence, and you're not invited.