▼ TEMPORARY INSANITY ▼
During Pandemic (DP): Obsessively caring for sourdough starter to compensate for total lack of control over the rest of the world.
After Pandemic (AP): Working off excess carbs while storing newly purchased Dutch oven in empty regular oven.
DP: According to YouTube, all you need is clippers and gumption.
AP: Double-tipping hair stylist to fix self-inflicted blunders, but sneaking an occasional DIY bang trim.
Unlimited Screen Time
DP: Binging Tiger King while children rewatch Frozen 2 so often that the plot starts to make sense.
AP: Binging Schitt’s Creek while reinstituting parental tablet controls and pointing kids toward reopened playgrounds.
DP: Credo is either that (a) leggings are pants, (b) pants are optional, or (c) cleanliness is relative.
AP: Refer to anything with buttons as “dressing up” and rocking full eye makeup for any non-grocery run.
DP: Homegrown greens mean avoiding the mosh pit that is the produce aisle. Besides, didn’t victory gardens beat Hitler?
AP: Begging neighbors to take excess zucchini but plotting domination for upcoming decorative gourd season.
Virtual Happy Hour
DP: Desperate joy at seeing familiar faces followed by awkward silence and a dearth of conversation topics.
AP: Efficient way to round up old college buds or former work cliques for pants-free catch-ups.