In case you’re wondering how the local debate over Satan looked on Nightline yesterday, I can sum it up in two words: crazy talk.

Forgive me if this sounds inflammatory—although flames seem appropriate when running with the Devil—but the next time foreign terrorists commit some atrocity in the name of their chosen god I don’t want to hear anyone calling them religious extremists because, based on the Ballard broadcast, WE ARE A NATION OF RELIGIOUS EXTREMISTS.

Self-confessed Red Bull consumer Mark Driscoll, pastor of Ballard’s Mars Hill Church, expressed his unwavering belief in the Prince of Darkness with a barely suppressed anger. I’ve met gym teachers with more compassion. Annie Lobert, the heartbreakingly sad ex-hooker at his side, cried for most of the broadcast once she’d recounted her memory of the maniacal demons who forced her to snort coke and service Las Vegas. She later explained to the moderator that Deepak Chopra and Bishop Carlton Pearson, who rallied for the Satan-less on the show, were actually working for the Cloven-Hoofed One.

Things got worse when the yokels got a chance to share. "How can you compare my very real experience with God to electricity?!" one woman fumed to Chopra, who’d made a point that, for instance, electricity is something we can prove exists. She then castigated anyone in attendance who didn’t accept Jesus into their lives. I thought she’d go postal. This woman’s quivering, insulted ferocity was such that you’d assume Christians in this nation are somehow browbeaten and oppressed instead of busy preventing gay marriage, suppressing sexual education, and causing every lousy sitcom to air at least one excruciating Christmas episode per year. (And, hey, don’t downplay electricity, lady—it’s powering the mike that’s allowing you to embarrass yourself on national television.)

And, yes, I know, not all Christians behave in this manner. But can those who don’t start speaking a little bit louder, please?

Next up for Nightline: Bigfoot—man or beast?