Today’s recession-era hero of belt-tightening ingenuity: Mariners fan Brad Richards, of Chehalis, who, according to the AP, used masking tape and a marker to turn an old jersey into a Griffey No. 24. Not to be caught up in the memorabilia mayhem that swept into Seattle when Ken Griffey Jr. returned to the M’s, this frugal fan isn’t ashamed to demonstrate the kind of conscientious-spending pragmatism that we need more of these days (unless, of course, you take into account the effects that said conscientious-spending pragmatism have on the world at large, but I’m not going to harsh my own mellow with that kind of talk). At any rate, we salute, you, Brad Richards of Chehalis. And in your honor, allow us to offer a few more suggestions for surviving the recession while supporting the multi-billion-dollar MLB behemoth!
Pre-recession fan activity: Buy an oversized “Mariners Number One” foam finger from the concession stand
Post-recession adaptation: Dye your oven mitts blue and paint “M’s No. 1!” on the palms
Pre-recession fan activity: Jockey for position in the bleachers to catch the occasional home run ball, which you’ll show off to friends and family
Post-recession adaptation: Bring a fishing net and hang over the outfield wall to illegally catch the occasional warning-track shot, which you’ll sell on eBay for rent money
Pre-recession fan activity: Gather nine of your closest friends and paint “GO MARINERS” on your bare chests in the hopes of getting on TV
Post-recession adaptation: Gather nine of your closest friends and paint “MA SEND CASH” on your bare chests in the hopes of eating that night
Pre-recession fan activity: Watch clips of the game and order food from the comfort of your seat via the Nintendo DSi that you rented from the team
Post-recession adaptation: Watch the damn game and walk to the concession stand to get your own damn food
Pre-recession fan activity: Subscribe to MLB.TV for $109.95 so you can watch the Mariners games from your work computer
Post-recession adaptation: Loiter outside Safeco and piece together what’s happening by listening to the roar of the crowd, because, hey, you probably already lost your job and don’t need to be at the office anyway!
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