7 Very Seattle Reasons I Can’t Come to Your Party

1. I-5 at rush hour? It’s easier to make new friends.

2. You’re not the only one hosting a pet’s birthday party tonight.

3. Did you feel that? Was that the Big One? I think that was the Big One.

4. There’d be nowhere to park my kayak.

5. If I have to explain the meaning of my tattoo to one more person…

6. “Keg of homebrew kombucha!” on the invitation was the opposite of a selling point.

7. I…er…there’s, um—weather?

Published in the 52 Best Places to Throw a Party issue of Seattle Met.