God is talking to me, ya’ll, and he’s doing it through the Interweb. First, this morning Google sent me a link to a story about Ichiro’s proclamation that God had “descended” on him during Japan’s win over Korea in the World Baseball Classic. Of course, this is the same guy who once said he hoped Dice-K would “arouse the fire that’s dormant in the innermost recesses of my soul. I plan to face him with the zeal of a challenger,” so the occasional, nonsensical religious outburst shouldn’t be cause for alarm.
But then there was this, in today’s Seattle Weekly: Former Sonics center James Donaldson is running for mayor, and, oh, by the way, he happens to have the vibe of the divine, “like the Dalai Lama or Jesus Christ.” I think former Tacoma mayor Brian Ebersole meant that as a compliment, — and let’s face it, what athlete doesn’t have at least a slight God complex — but evidently he forgot that Seattle hates God.
Being the devout atheist that I am, even the Ichiro and Donaldson stories together weren’t enough to get me watching the clouds for lightning. But that was before I stumbled over to the New York Times and found a link to this: University of Washington psychology professor David P. Barash thumps the e-pulpit in the latest Chronicle of Higher Education and tells us that he’s tired of America’s cult of athleticism, what with all the “woeful watching, the ridiculous rooting, the silly spectating.” We’re not godless deviants, he says, we’re just praying to false idols that look like this.
After consulting my own totem of faith, I came to the only logical, possible conclusion for this onslaught of religious-fervor-by-way-of-sports-blogs: God’s pissed off about that little Satanic debate in Ballard last week and he’s lashing out at us in the only arena he can get our attention. To which I say: Dude, take it up with ABC!
Image via the graphic-design bad ass who moonlights as Left Field’s spousal unit
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