Image: Danny Hellman

1. Thou shalt consider a canvas tote free of stains an evening bag.

2. Thou shalt recognize wokeness lies in the correct enamel pins on thy jean jacket.

3. Honor thy mother and thy father’s high-waisted jeans.

4. Thou shalt don a welding jumpsuit and steel-toe boots to freelance in a coffee shop that sells $8 oat milk lattes.

5. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife’s Teva tan lines.

6. Thy wardrobe shall utilize all colors in the Seattle rainbow: grout, slate, ash, asphalt, unbleached T-shirt, and seasonal affective disorder. 

7. Remember the Sabbath, to keep it clad in $125 sweats.

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