1. Even if one of the richest men in the world is a donating alumnus, lunch will still consist of heat-lamped tater tots.
2. How to live in a city of nearly a million people, but spend 12 straight years with the same 30 peers.
3. Your counselor needs to know your top five colleges no later than middle school.
4. It’s more than a B-minus; it’s a letdown to a “parent company” that has invested tens of thousands of dollars to kickstart your potential.
5. How to politely entertain a conversation about Elon Musk in your friend’s dad’s Tesla.
6. How it feels to be on Microsoft’s recruiting radar. At age 5.
7. The preschool you attended three decades ago has a Terminator-like ability to hunt you down and ask for donations.