Future home of the Seattle Roasters.

Today the Seattle Times reported on a list of registered domains unearthed by blogger Clark Rasmussen that may or may not reflect possible names for a future Seattle NHL expansion team. Take a look:

Seattle Cougars
Seattle Eagles
Seattle Emeralds
Seattle Evergreens
Seattle Firebirds
Seattle Kraken
Seattle Rainiers
Seattle Renegades
Seattle Sea Lions
Seattle Seals
Seattle Sockeyes
Seattle Totems
Seattle Whales

So, the usual: trees, the sea, and indigenous iconography. The Seattle Times reader poll came up with more interesting and self-aware names than this list, including the Seattle Freeze. But absent in both the registered domains, the reader suggestions, and anywhere else but my own brain, apparently, is the obvious answer:

Seattle Roasters.

Before you roll your eyes into that Flat White, kindly consider these ten selling points:

  1. Meets the NHL naming convention of coopting a region's major export (perceived or actual), like the Edmonton Oilers and St. Louis Blues
  2. Double entendre
  3. A big angry coffee bean would be an adorable mascot.
  4. "He just got roasted."
  5. Myriad logo options, from an actual roaster to the barista silhouette.
  6. Burlap-colored jerseys would be a look.
  7. Elm and Slate up in the arena.
  8. "Put a little cream and sugar in that one, didn't he?"
  9. Exists in the impossible realm between broad recognizability and hipster cred.
  10. Please anything but the Seattle Seals.
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