Sounders FC

How to Ruin a Soccer Game

Who gets more blame? ESPN or the guy who threw the beer?

June 18, 2009

Some game last night, huh? The 3-3 draw between the Sounders and D.C. United was such a roller coaster of emotions that even D.C.‘s goalie Josh Wicks needed a beer before it was over. (More on that in a minute.) Let’s track the highs and lows, shall we?

Low: Arkansas and Virginia battle into approximately the 27th inning of their College World Series game, pre-empting the Sounders broadcast on ESPN2 by more than an hour and a half. Fortunately, connoisseurs of low-brow semi-but-not-really-athletic contests (such as Left Field) can bide their time by watching out-of-shape idiots humiliate themselves on ABC’s Wipeout.

High: At about 9:00, the ESPN2 feed finally switches over to the Sounders game. Finally! There’s only about 30 minutes left in the contest … but Seattle is up 3-1 against the best team in the East. And Sigi is wearing his parka and scarf!

Low: Within minutes (two, to be exact) of the feed switching over, D.C. scores, making superstitious types (such as Left Field) question whether their watching the game is having a negative cosmic effect on the Sounders, because why else would the opposing team score right after said superstitious types (such as Left Field) start watching the damn game?

High: Chanting from the capacity crowd of 29,104 at Qwest can often be heard in the ESPN2 booth, causing both announcers to comment that the raucous atmosphere inside the stadium is a powerful, nationally televised exhibition of how popular the game of soccer could be in the U.S. You know, aside from the fact that everyone watching at home missed the first 60 minutes.

Low: With two minutes left in regulation, Sounders defender Tyrone Marshall heads the ball into his own goal while trying to clear it from the box, helping D.C. even up the score at 3-3. And superstitious types (such as Left Field) are now faced with the reality that, yes, they did in fact have a negative cosmic effect on the game and changed its outcome.

Low: After inspiring more gushing praise from the ESPN2 announcers, Sounders fans show their appreciation for the recognition on national television … by throwing a half-full beer bottle at D.C.’s Wicks. Well done, kids, well done indeed.

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