As promised this morning, here’s a condensed version of my conversation with Bill Parks, the Orlando, Florida-based Drew Carey impersonator who FC Dallas hired to perform during halftime of this weekend’s match against the Sounders FC. He hasn’t tried to set up a gig with the Sounders yet — he’s not much of a sports fan, so the thought hadn’t crossed his mind — but he says he’s game.

Have you ever met Drew?
I’ve been close a couple times, but never met him. I had two chances, and both times, he wasn’t available. I was in Las Vegas around this time last year and was going to rent a car and drive over to L.A. to The Price is Right, but they were on hiatus. And then the other time, I was in Los Angeles a few years ago while The Drew Carey Show was still on television, and a friend of mine who does Mimi [the blue-eyeshadow-obsessed character from Carey’s show] was going to drive with me to a taping of the show, but that week they didn’t allow a studio audience.

How did the gig for this weekend come up?
Actually, FC Dallas just contacted me about two weeks ago. They wanted to know if I was available to do a halftime show at this Saturday’s game.

What exactly will you be doing?
They’ll be giving away tickets to the FC Dallas vs. Seattle game in Seattle [on October 24]. And they’re going to be doing it by using a game that very much resembles the Plinko game on The Price is Right. I’m just going to be running the game in character as Drew. And of course, I’ll be trying to get my picture taken with all of these people with Drew Carey glasses. That tickles me more than anything.

Shouldn’t you be getting in touch with the Sounders?
No, the thought never crossed my mind until this happened, so I haven’t had any communication with them at all. But that’s something that’s on my agenda now. And in speaking with FC Dallas, of course, everything is on the up and up. We’ll portray Drew in a good light. I don’t do anything that would make Drew look bad or anything. I never met him, but I love his stuff, and it just wouldn’t be good for me to do that anyway. So yeah, my first question to them was, "How is this going to portray Drew Carey?"

So who are you going to root for?
Oh, well, they’re paying me, so I’m going to have to root for Dallas. But you never know — there might be a Seattle Sounders shirt on under my suit. I’ll have to see what happens. How about this — whoever gives me a free jersey will get my support.