Man Love

The Courtship of Nate Robinson and Will Ferrell

What if they made a movie together?

February 24, 2009

Nate Robinson has a man-crush on Will Ferrell. Isn’t it cute? The New York Knicks’ little baller from Rainier Beach has been blowing up lately –- he won the Slam Dunk Contest last week, made an appearance on David Letterman a couple days later, and went off for 41 points against the Indiana Pacers last night –- but all anyone wants to talk about today is his near-giddy confession of admiration for Hollywood’s perpetual man-child:

"I wanted to play well for the team and for the fans, but definitely for him," Robinson gushed after the game. Seriously, it’s so cute!

Or wait … maybe it’s calculated. Maybe Robinson’s just angling for a post-hoops career in which he gets to share the big screen with his big crush. Starved for good local sports stories and tired of beating a dead horse, we spent the afternoon brainstorming a couple sure-fire blockbuster hits bombs for our favorite NBA son of the moment. (And once we realized how easy it is to write a believable Will Ferrell script, we realized that, financially speaking, we really are in the wrong business.)

Brothers From Another Mother: Like DeVito and Schwarzenegger in Twins, the odd-couple comedy from which this updated take on goofy genetic hijinx takes its cues, Robinson and Ferrell look nothing alike –- and that’s what makes it hilarious! Will they find their shared father? Can they look past their cultural differences to find that inappropriate public displays of bodily functions are colorblind? And how much of Ferrell’s naked body will we see this time? You’ll have to buy a ticket to this family-tree farce to find out!

What Kind of Fools Are We?: With Seth Rogen as Frank Sinatra, Ferrell and Robinson pour on the rakish charm to play Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr. in this Rat Pack biopic. But don’t worry about having to sit through a bummer of a second act, when Martin and Davis hit bottom and struggle for redemption after hitting the bottle too hard –- that’s so cliché. No, What Kind of Fools Are We? is two straight hours of frat-boy wish-fulfillment: The duo drink vodka martinis from beer bongs, slap an inordinate amount of showgirl ass, and personify every male stereotype for laughs. A ring-a-ding-ding indeed!

Net Loss: They may not be the most awkward of tennis twosomes (that would be Steffi Graff and Andre Agassi, obvs), but they’re close. Thrown together from different worlds –- Robinson sips tea courtside between sets, Ferrell drops trou to argue calls –- they’re each other’s only hope for making it to the pair’s tennis championship at Wimbledon. The only thing harder than keeping these two mismatched racketeers from killing each other before they get there will be trying to keep a straight face as one serve after another hits them in the nuts!

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