Poutine

Yes, this is what I had for lunch. Stop judging.

Road trips are the perfect time for guilt-free fast food; it’s not like you’re going to find a drive-thru salad bar, right? And foreign fast food is even more exciting—hello, Royale with Cheese.

On a road trip through British Columbia (like, say, this circle tour of BC, or perhaps this long haul to Alaska), you have a new option as of fall 2011: Fast food poutine at Canadian Burger King. After hearing radio commercials for the dish while cruising through BC this week, I decided to try it. You know, for science.

The facts: BK’s Classic Poutine is $3.99, a buck more for bacon, and the usual combo of french fries, cheese curds, and hot brown gravy. It’s a hefty portion, and as soon as I put the hot dish in my lap, I realized it was, like ice cream and breakfast burritos, absolutely not eat-while-you-drive food.

So I parked at a Tim Hortons (always there when you need one in Canada!) and went to town. The fries and gravy were steaming, though the curds weren’t quite squeaky enough; I suspect they might be hunks of plain ol’ cheese. Still, the fries held up—are BK’s fries always this hearty?—to being marinated in gravy (itself on the thin side, but workable).

But let’s go to the stats! Burger King’s Canadian site tells us that the regular poutine has 740 calories. Er…maybe that’s in metric? But calories are already in metric? Excuse me, I have to go jump on the treadmill. Until Tuesday.

I’m sad the Abbotsford Burger King didn’t offer the ANGRY POUTINE option (it’s in ALL CAPS because it’s ANGRY): It includes jalapeños, "angry" onions, and "angry sauce." Way to buck stereotypes and get aggressive, Canada.

Our verdict: Not a bad plate of poutine, especially for $4. Resident food fact-knower Allecia Vermillion reports that Mickey D’s in Montreal has their own version of poutine, but it’s suspiciously absent from the McDonald’s Canadian website. Has anyone tried it?

And as for the most important question: When it will come to an American drive-thru near you? Bad news: A request we submitted to the Burger King press office has gone, as yet, unanswered—not a good sign. Guess you’ll have to do that road trip to Canada after all.