pressconfAs you may have guessed from my writings, I am bi-polar about our fucking awesomely historic yet not so fucking awesomely strategic President. So the question on the table from Press Conference 2.0 is: Did he sell his budget and did he calm nerves about the economy?

The pundits are all over the map.  Therefore, it is time yet again for another play-by-play by "OMG! Obama." We will let you millions and millions of loyal fans decide for yourself:  Did Obama do the job?

For some reason the Hulu capture of the Press Conference 2.0 is FoxNews' coverage.  Interesting. So ignore the first 1:30 of Shepard Smith. Or pre-occupy your time with something you can get done in 1 minute and 30 seconds. Pee break? Get a snack?  For example, I clipped my fingernails during his lead in.

Here's a snippet of my transcription from the press conference:
47:50  Q:  I work for a fake newspaper called the Washington Times. I am going to try and ask an objective question but clearly it's intended to cue right wing nut jobs into hating your guts. When you signed the executive order to approve the slicing and dicing of baby fetuses for the purposes of unnecessary stem cell research, did it bother you at all morally or ethically?   A: If you are suggesting I don't have morals or ethics because I don't ascribe to your made up, bullshit, contrived hate messages in the name of 'life', you can guess again.  Even anti-choicers support stem cell research. So why don't you go back to hating gays or contrive a new social wedge issue.  This one is tired and sad. Next question.

The whole what-what is posted below the jump.


1:41 Obama starts off with the 'no quick fixes, no silver bullets' spiel we've heard before.  Yeah, we get it...you didn't cause this.  His tone and facial expression are a little dour.

2:22 President O-rnery lays out the 3 steps he's taken to help get our economy on track: Step 1: talks about stimulus money and how it's saved teachers, police and candlestick makers all across the land.  It would help his cause, I think, if he had some hard numbers.

2:55 Step 2:  Stabilize the housing market.  40% of all mortgages are available for re-financing?  Nearly the lowest interests on mortgages in history?  Huh?  Home sales are upticking.  Get me in on that shit.  Whee.  Housing Bubble 2009.

3:29 Step 3:  Restart the flow of credit to families and businesses.  More student loans, more car loans, more small business loans.  There is more progress in last week alone than the last 4 months combined —do you see the progress?  It's everywhere!   No mention of home loans specifically.  Um, how do we go about getting those hot shit interest rates if we can't even secure a loan to begin with?  Hope that's covered in the Q & A.

4:30 No more bubble and bust.  No more maxed out credit cards.  No more teachers, dirty looks.

5:22 Reaffirms cutting the deficit in half by the end of his first term.  We do this by changing a "borrow and spend" mentality to one of "save and invest."

5:31 This budget is inseparable from this recovery.  You best tell Dorgan and House budget writers that.  They think about $100 billion is separable from it.

6:11  You scream, I scream, we all scream at AIG.

7:30  Question Time. Woot! Grab your popcorn, it's Hammertime baby!

8:10  Q: Geithner and Fed Chair were on the Hill asking for new authority to regulate new big financial institutions. Why should the public be ok with that shit when AIG has been such a be-yotch?  A:  AIG isn't a bank, dumbfuck, it's an insurance company.  If AIG was a bank, the FDIC would have gotten medieval on its ass.  But it isn't and we don't have authority to smack that shit down, so give it to me, it's time for Warren G and I to regulate.

10:35  Q: War-time Presidents ask people to sacrifice.  Seems like you've been letting irresponsible people off the hook.  Why haven't you asked people to sacrifice something?  A.  Um, job losses are a sacrifice, asshole.  So is going without health care, college education and prescription drugs.  People have sacrificed while Wall Street ass rammed the public.

15:26  Q: Will you sign a budget that doesn't include cap and trade and the middle class tax cut that those suckas in Congress say they will strip from your budget?  A:  Maybe so long as the deficit goes down and we move toward energy independence.  I am not a totally inflexible dickhead.

18:56  Q:  Campaign Promise Shout Out:  You said: "I am not running to pass problems onto future generations, but your budget is projected to create a $9.3 trillion deficit.  Republicans call it the most irresponsible budget in history. Isn't passing that debt onto our nation's children exactly what you talked about avoiding?  A:  Hey, fucktard, I inherited $1.3 trillion annual deficit from Republicans, so they can shove it up their repressed, homo-hating, gun-loving, religion-clinging asses.  That's point Number 1.   Point Number 2:  The Congressional Budget Office hates America and think it's a bunch of lazy, fat fucks.  I don't.  I think we're going to squeeze and extra .4% of GDP out of these Ho-Ho stuffing, SuperSized, pre-diabetic, monster truckin' fat fucks.  But don't call them lazy.  And don't call me defensive.  Point 3:  My Republican critics don't have a budget of their own.  They are too busy at a fundraiser right now to be worrying about America's problems.

23:32  Q:  Follow up:  OK, you cut the deficit in half in your first term.  Yippie.  But it goes up in the remaining six.  What gives, homie?  A:  (insert angry concentration face)  Jesus, I am not a fucking wizard.  I can't predict the future, can you?  Can Republicans?  Because if they can, I'd like them to let me know how we deal with health care and that beast called Medicare/Medicaid, and deal with education, and deal with energy.  Show me the alternative or shut the hell up.

27:02  Q:  Mexican violence from drug cartels = national security threat: True or False?  A:  I won't say "False" directly, but will answer like I mean "False." We're monitoring the situation and President Calderon is a hero. How's that work for ya, toots?

28:40 Q:  How are you going to get the procurement process to save money in Veterans and Defense Administration budgets when no one really wants to fix the problem?  A:  I don't know.  By being careful.  Next question.

32:21  Q:  You say you're angry about AIG.  Uh-huh.  Why the delay in showing it?  Second, aren't you concerned about the children?  What about poor Sasha and Malia inheriting their daddy's trillions in debt.  How could you, Barack?  How could you?  A:  Eat Shit, CNN.  Unlike the rest of the idiots that caused this situation, I like to be, oh I don't know, informed before I speak.  Your station should try it sometime. And fuck off about deficits already.

37:04  Q:  China is nervous, Europe is nervous. They don't agree with your plans for how they should save the global economy.  Does it hurt to know that socialists think your spending is too scary, even for them?  Q:  Unlike my predecessor, I don't demand countries follow my orders.  I asked them to step up and lift up the economy.  I could give two shits how they do it.  Just make the effort.  And I am sooo much more popular than my predecessor. So chew on that.

40:12 Q:  Do you regret proposing cutting the interest deduction for charities and mortgages?  A:  Hell-to-the-no.  If you Republican assmunches want to continue glorifying Reagan, then we're going to go back to the rate of deduction under his time in office.  Suck on that.

43:55  Q:  1 in 50 children are homeless.  You said help is on the way. Where is that help for these homeless children?  A:  Enough with the children already.  I am against homelessness, and I am not afraid to say it.

46:31  Q:  Can I ask you about race?  A:  Sure, Cracker Girl.  What's up?  Q:  Is race an issue?  A:  Is this a real question?  Um, maybe you haven't noticed but the economy is falling apart.  The world is reeling.  I have bigger fish to fry than worry about if world leaders like my skin color.

47:50  Q:  I work for a fake newspaper called the Washington Times. I am going to try and ask an objective question but clearly it's intended to cue right wing nut jobs into hating your guts. When you signed the executive order to approve the slicing and dicing of baby fetuses for the purposes of unnecessary stem cell research, did it bother you at all morally or ethically?   A: If you are suggesting I don't have morals or ethics because I don't ascribe to your made up, bullshit, contrived hate messages in the name of 'life', you can guess again.  Even anti-choicers support stem cell research. So why don't you go back to hating gays or contrive a new social wedge issue.  This one is tired and sad. Next question.

51:54  Q:  Given the recent elections, is peace between Israel and Palestine realistic?  A:  Is this a press conference on the economy and my budget or what?  Motherfuck!  Blah blah blah  George Mitchell...blah blah.   Blah Blah Northern Ireland....blah blah.  lots of similarities. blah blah. Persistence pays off.

And speaking of persistence.  That's what I am all about, yo.  I think people will look back in 4 years and say we are in a better place because of the decisions we made.

Over and out, y'all.  Good night.  I'm outta here.  Peace, bitch.

(Don't bother watching the rest of the Shepard Smith commentary at the end.  It's unbearable.)