New York Times and Every Day Forever: No roundup of the week's most memorable food links would be complete without New York Times food critic Pete Wells's gloriously scorching takedown of Guy Fieri's new restaurant in Times Square. Once you're done cringe-laughing, Saveur's Helen Rosner has a personal blog post that's part Cliffs Notes, part intellectual treatise on the whole imbroglio. —Allecia Vermillion

Slate: One man’s crawl through Brooklyn for the perfect Negroni is a ramble but a juicy one, ricocheting the reader from the history of the classic drink to a description of its pleasures (“blossoms on the tongue alchemically—a sublime triangle”), a mini disquisition on terror-sex, the use of “Thomas Friedmaned” as a verb, and oh so very much more. —Kathryn Robinson

The Atlantic would like you to stop saying "Drink the Kool-Aid," please. And they make a good case. —Erica C. Barnett

NPR: To avoid recent tax hikes, a small Spanish theater is selling carrots instead of tickets, sparking what the media has lovingly named the “Carrot Rebellion.” In other news, Spanish root vegetable farmers are exceptionally cultured this year. —Katie Vincent

Eater National: A born-and-bred Wisconsinite I'd like to think I'm versed in all things cheddar, but my experience with pimento cheese is sadly lacking. This guide by Eater National—featuring local spot The Wandering Goose—should change that. —Christopher Werner

New York Post: Can the Petraeus scandal get any weirder? Yes, it can: According to the New York Post, the Tampa, FL twins at the center of the sex scandal that led General David Petraeus to resign last week were featured in a 2003 episode of "Food Fight" featuring Florida regional specialties. (The twins, Jill Kelley and Natalie Khawam showed up wearing Chanel, Gucci, and Brooks Brothers and prepared an alligator dish, the Post reports). Unfortunately, footage of the show apparently fell victim to Hurricane Sandy, which took down the servers holding the Food Network's archives. —Erica C. Barnett