There Will Be Beer

Which Oktoberfest is your Oktoberfest?

You’re guaranteed lots of suds, polka, and busty chicks in dirndl dresses at all the German-themed beer bashes around the state. But not all Bavarian bacchanals are created equal. Choose wisely.

FREMONT OKTOBERFEST


September 19–21

Drive time: Zero (You’re busing it or flagging a cab to this Seattle neighborhood.)

It’s too late to join this grog-powered gala—in true Fremont fashion, the party here exploded in September, a full two weeks before the rest of the state. But the patchouli-soaked Lenin lovers of this nabe hardly need an excuse to cede their streets to debauchery. Go ahead, show up with lederhosen and a stein of Bitburger on Phinney Ave right now. See if anyone blinks an eye.

What was on tap Guys and gals competing in the Miss Buxom beauty pageant. www.fremontoktoberfest.com

OKTOBERFEST NORTHWEST


October 3–5

Drive time: 40 minutes

Stashed in a warehouse at the Puyallup Fairgrounds, this celebration is the blandest of the three Oktoberfests in the state. But its signature event, the Hammerschlagen contest—drunk people hammering nails into logs—makes for finger-smashing good times. Plus, this bazaar’s a strudel-load more family friendly than Fremont’s, and unlike Leavenworth the drive time from Seattle doesn’t equal the length of a Wagnerian opera.

What’s on tap Wiener Dog races, kids slurping tall cool ones in the “Root Biergarten.”
www.oktoberfestnw.com

Leavenworth Oktoberfest

October 3-19

Drive time: 2 hours, 17 minutes

In Leavenworth, which reinvented itself nearly half a century ago as a faux-German village, it’s Oktoberfest practically all year round. Cashiers pepper retail transactions with German phrases and women strut around in dirndl skirts as if they lifted the idea from pages of the latest Vogue. The official Oktoberfest just provides Leavenworthians an occasion to really get their Bavarian freak on.

What’s on tap Yodeling demos, enough bratwurst to feed an invading army.
www.leavenworthoktoberfest.com

NO OKTOBERFEST FOR YOU

Grab a six pack of St. Pauli Girl and a couple of warm supersize pretzels from your neighborhood 7-Eleven, rent German action flick Run Lola Run, and call it good.