Culture Fiend

Investigating The Killing

Spoiler: We examine the latest episode of AMC’s Seattle-set crime drama.

Posted by: Allison Williams on Apr 06, 2011 at 10:10AM 0 Comments

Photo courtesy Chris Large/AMC.

No, I’m Crockett, you’re Tubbs! Detectives Holder and Linden on AMC’s The Killing.

One episode in and we’re already mesmerized by AMC’s new Seattle-set drama, The Killing. It’s the spawn of two excellent TV traditions: a dead-girl storyline (we remember you fondly, Twin Peaks and Veronica Mars) and the channel that brought us Mad Men and The Walking Dead. Adapted from a Danish show, The Killing has a lot of style to balance the crime-solving substance, a bleak, gray palate borrowed from its Scandinavian parent (or from Steve Pool’s recent forecasts). It’s filmed primarily in Vancouver, but that’s close enough for accurate drizzle.

The two-part premiere on Sunday night had a lot of ground to cover, and a lot of establishing shots of the Space Needle to show. We learned that Seattle teenager Rosie Larsen is missing, then dead, drowned in Discovery Park after a school dance. But she was beaten first; while most school basements are full of deflated tetherballs, Rosie’s has a little serial-killer bungalow, complete with bloody bed. The whodunit is complicated by the fact that Rosie was found in a car belonging to the mayoral campaign of City Council President Darren Richmond (Billy Campbell). There are a lot of holes for the series to explore—are the Larsen parents merely devastated, or are they hiding something? Is Rosie’s rich-kid boyfriend too obvious to be the killer? And where’s the political angle going? (Please don’t tell us that Rosie was whacked because she discovered some secret documents about the deep-bore tunnel overrun costs. For the love of Mayor McGinn, please.)

Detective Linden is at the center of both the case and the show, and her spotlight is well-earned. Actress Mirielle Enos has morphed the spaciness she showed in Big Love into a steely calm. (Fun fact! Enos is married to actor Alan Ruck, aka Cameron in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, which obviously means they sing this over the breakfast table.)

But it’s Linden’s partner Stephen Holder (a lanky Joel Kinnaman) that has me hooked on this show. First of all, he’s a total ass; he whinges about protocol and asks a high school teacher if he “tapped that” teenager. But here’s my prediction: Holder is more than a scummy loose-cannon cliché. He’s crazy like a fox. After working as an undercover cop, he knows the power of lowering someone’s guard, even giving underage girls weed so that they’ll reveal their high school’s seedy underbelly. Just watch, Holder’s going to get more emotionally invested in finding Rosie’s killer than anybody. Need a bolder prediction? Hmm…okay, he’s totally going to crush on the practical, grim Linden when even his brattiest misbehavior fails to nail the killer. Prove me wrong, AMC.

Seattle Met will be following The Killing through its first-season run, keeping an eye out for fake Seattle shots and recapping each Monday with our current pick for Rosie’s murderer. So far, every single character—except maybe Detective Linden and her 13-year-old son—is a suspect. But with almost nothing to go on but gut instinct, I’m naming Gwen, Richmond’s campaign manager, as the killer. She’d do anything for her candidate-slash-boyfriend, and homegirl is intense.

Anyone else dare to hazard a guess this early? After what happened to my March Madness bracket, I’ve learned that the wildest guess can be the smartest.

The Killing airs Sundays at 10pm. Missed the premiere? We present…episodes 1 and 2.

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Tags: Television, Recap: AMC's The Killing,

A&E Roundup: ‘Portlandia’ Renewed, Grammy Surprises, and Intiman’s Troubles

Posted by: Laura Dannen on Feb 14, 2011 at 01:00PM 1 Comments

IFC comedy Portlandia has been renewed for an additional 10 episodes.

Good news, from the Seattle Times: New IFC sketch show Portlandia —a hilarious send-up of the city’s flannel-loving counterculture by SNL alum Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein—has been renewed for another 10 episodes, bringing the grand total to 16. Sadly, the new sketches won’t air until January 2012. For more on the show, check out our sister publication Portland Monthly’s chat with Brownstein at the Portlandia premiere.

Bad news, from Intiman Theatre: Late on Friday afternoon, in an open letter to the arts community, Intiman’s board president Kim Anderson announced that unless the theater can raise $1 million by September, it “cannot continue.” This news comes three months after former managing director Brian Colburn resigned suddenly, prompting disclosure of the gross mismanagement of Intiman’s finances, unpaid bills, and a looming fundraising goal of $2.75 million total for the 2011 season (according to the Times). Intiman needs to bring in $500,000 by the end of March, an additional $250,000 by June, and $250,000 by September to continue operating, and has made a public appeal for assistance. In the video below, artistic director Kate Whoriskey—whose debut 2010 season boasted record-breaking ticket sales for drama Ruined —weighs in on the state of the theater. More on this tomorrow. (Updated 2/16/10: Over at Intiman, time to put on a happy face.)

News that makes you go “hmm”: Nashville trio Lady Antebellum cleaned up at last night’s Grammy Awards, taking home five trophies—including record of the year with Need You Now, the sole country submission in a rap-heavy category rounded out by Eminem feat. Rihanna (Love the Way You Lie), Cee Lo Green (F*** You), Jay-Z and Alicia Keys (Empire State of Mind), and BoB feat. Bruno Mars (Nothin’ On You). A bit disappointing for Eminem, who only won two of the 10 awards he was nominated for (best rap album and best rap solo performance), and whose comeback album Recovery was the favorite going into the evening. Arcade Fire’s The Suburbs beat Recovery for album of the year. For the full list of winners, go to grammy.com/nominees.

Oh, by the way: Lady Gaga arrived at the Grammys inside an egg. She was incubating.
Holy wow.

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Tags: Television, Intiman Theatre, A&E Roundup, Award Show, Portlandia

Are You Watching Portlandia Yet?

Find the IFC channel — it’s very worth it.

Posted by: Laura Dannen on Feb 02, 2011 at 09:00AM 0 Comments

This is some fine satire: Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein don’t quite eviscerate Portland, Oregon in their new IFC comedy series Portlandia —just lovingly ruffle its hair, then tell it to get a job. But the jokes about the city’s flannel-lovin’ counterculture are spot on (and often ring true about Seattle, too). After finally sitting down for a few episodes last night, I’m hooked. It airs Friday nights at 10:30pm (or whenever you DVR it) and there are only six episodes total, so you can catch up quickly. “The dream of the ’90s is alive in Portland…”

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Tags: Television, Portlandia

Trailer: New AMC Show Set in Seattle

But The Killing is shot in Vancouver…d’oh.

Posted by: Laura Dannen on Jan 10, 2011 at 10:00AM 0 Comments

Mireille Enos, right, plays lead detective in AMC’s new original series The Killing. Photo courtesy AMC News.

When we last reported on AMC’s new original series set in Seattle, we didn’t even have a name for it. We just knew it was a crime drama about the murder of a young girl and the subsequent police investigation, starring Big Love’s Mireille Enos. And it was being shot in Canada, with generic Northwest shots substituting for Space Needle montages.

We have a bit more info now: Watch a trailer and featurette of The Killing below. The character-driven crime drama premieres in March.

[Courtesy ScreenRant ]

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Tags: Television

TV’s New Hobby: Making Fun of Portland

Sing along with new IFC show Portlandia: “The dream of the ’90s is alive in Portland.”

Posted by: Laura Dannen on Jan 04, 2011 at 09:00AM 4 Comments

All the hot girls wear glasses. No one has jobs, people sleep till 11. Portland is a city where young people go to retire. And it’s like cars don’t exist! You ride bikes, you ride double-decker bikes, you ride unicycles! Apparently, the dream of the ’90s is alive in Portland.

Thanks to some masterful viral marketing, Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein’s new IFC show Portlandia—a send-up of the Oregon city’s flannel-loving counterculture—is getting a lot of buzz. Even The New York Times picked it up, and they don’t cover anything until a doctor or psychologist has deemed it A Trend. But what do Portland natives think of being in the spotlight? And are Portland, Maine natives confused and/or bitter the show’s not about them?

Anne Adams, my counterpart at our sister publication Portland Monthly and someone who’s guilty of sleeping until 11, brought this show to my attention and has an interesting theory about Portland’s slacker insurgence:

In the 90s, Seattle woke up (at eleven) in the new “hotbed of counterculture”—then immediately suffocated under the weight of a whole nation trying to pile on top of its mosh-mound. If Portland currently hosts the “dream of the 90s”, then it stands to reason that we’re about to endure the same rude awakening as our Seattle neighbors.

Admittedly, I wasn’t in Seattle in the ‘90s — I was in school in New Jersey, where guidos and guidettes roamed free and everyone showed up to prom a self-tanned shade of burnt sienna. Sort of. Just as Jersey Shore and Jerseylicious zing the Garden State and all its foibles, Portlandia has the potential to be equally hilarious: an SNL-styled satire (SNL circa the ’90s, or else it won’t be hilarious) that pokes fun at all that Portland natives love—and kind of hate—about themselves. It’s good, old-fashioned exaggeration.

Did Seattle suffocate under all that media attention? I certainly wouldn’t say the counterculture shriveled up and died here. Sure, flannel now counts as business casual, but what of our rising hip-hop scene, our dedication to local farmers, our ability to teach tourists to recycle? We survived and thrived, and I have a feeling that Portland will endure this new spat of attention, too.

Especially since I don’t even know what the IFC channel is. Seriously, is it basic cable?

Portlandia premieres on IFC January 21 at 10:30pm.

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Tags: Television, Portlandia

Interview: Lynn Shelton on Directing Mad Men

Local filmmaker gets giddy talking about her TV directorial debut.

Posted by: Laura Dannen on Sep 27, 2010 at 01:00PM 0 Comments

Primetime Lynn Shelton directs an episode of Mad Men.

Her excitement was palpable, contagious. Seattle filmmaker Lynn Shelton—a 20-year student of film, theater, and photography—even giggled a bit as she recounted her TV debut: directing Mad Men’s latest episode, “Hands and Knees,” which aired last night on AMC. Clearly, the self-described “superfan” of the show is still enjoying the moment, and she didn’t mind sharing it with us.

How did you get hooked up with Mad Men?

Scott Hornbacher, one of the executive producers, saw Humpday and really enjoyed it, and thought I would be an interesting fit. … Some time passed and nothing happened, and then I got a call that Matt Weiner wanted to meet with me. He’s obviously the creator and ultimate decision maker—and I was just beside myself to get a meeting with him, and the chance to sit with him for an hour and a half in his office where it all comes together. Because I was a total superfan of the show, so that was incredible. And I guess the meeting went well, because I got the gig.

And it was quite a gig! You got to direct an episode where Don Draper (Jon Hamm) flips out. That never happens.

Yeah, a lot of stuff goes down. [Laughing] When I read the script, I just couldn’t believe how lucky I was. The scripts are always amazing, but this particular one was so exciting—thrilling.

Can we talk about the scene where Don thinks he’s having a heart attack: How much of that was you, and how much of it was him?

Ohh, I’m a very collaborative director and I pride myself on trying to create an environment that will allow actors to bring out their best work. I try to keep my notes very spare and very specific. And that kind of direction works great for someone like Jon Hamm, who’s like a thoroughbred racehorse. You give him a little nudge and he’ll just—even if he initially bristles, he’ll just take it and … oh my god it’s the most amazing experience! [Giggles.] It’s all him, but I hope I was able to help him get there, in a subtle way.

How did you prep for this?

They let me shadow another director [Phil Abraham], thank god, because it was my first TV directing gig, so I went down to LA and was there for almost a month before my episode started. … The prep itself before shooting is this intensive, intensive script analysis, and meetings with every department and with Matt, because you’re channeling him on set. You’re trying to give him exactly what he envisions in his head. It’s all about his vision, his genius vision.

I can’t quite say why, but this one shot seemed like you: the close-up of Don hugging the toilet. Was it?

I loved that shot. No, that was really specifically written. Matt was very, very specific. It’s the shot that I felt most closely connected to. There aren’t a lot of close-ups in that show—there’s definitely an established vocabulary of shots, but that’s got to be one of the closest I’ve ever seen.

Did you watch the actual episode last night?

I did, I actually watched it twice. [Laughs.]

Think you have the TV bug now?

I would be happy to direct more episodes of shows like Mad Men that I really admire. Everything I do I have to feel pretty passionate about. Even jobs have to be passion projects for me. I don’t think I could do what I did and work as hard as I did on a show I didn’t think was awesome. When I’m fulfilling someone else’s vision, it has to be a vision I really believe in. I’m totally open to it. But if this ends up being my one and only TV experience [laughs] I will be perfectly satisfied. I’m a filmmaker, so my main thing is … steering the whole ship. But it was a wonderful, wonderful experience. I’d totally do it again.

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Tags: Television

‘Mad Men’ Network AMC Announces New Series Set in Seattle

But—surprise, surprise—filming will occur in Canada.

Posted by: Christopher Werner on Aug 12, 2010 at 11:17AM 0 Comments

AMC’s new crime drama is set in Seattle. Photo courtesy AMC News

Amid all the Grassroots buzz comes news Seattle is getting more Hollywood love. AMC, the TV network behind Mad Men, has announced its latest project is set in Seattle. The yet-to-be-titled crime drama “is based on the wildly successful Danish television series ‘Forbrydelsen’ and tells the story of the murder of a young girl and the subsequent police investigation,” per a release.

Mireille Enos of Big Love is tapped to lead an ensemble cast of characters tangentially involved with the murder: the detectives, the victim’s family, the suspects, and politicians, including a Seattle City Council president running for mayor.

Unlike the Seattle-based Grassroots, which has been filming here for several months, AMC is taking production up nort —filming will begin in Vancouver this fall.

Keep an eye out for the 13-episode season in 2011.

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Tags: Television, Seattle in the News

Ack! Lost Has an Epilogue

Good luck getting any work done now.

Posted by: Laura Dannen on Aug 06, 2010 at 11:00AM 0 Comments

Ben (Michael Emerson) has some…unfinished business in the Lost epilogue.

Even though the Lost season 6 DVD and series box set don’t come out until August 24, those savvy marketing people (or sneaky pirates) have leaked one hell of a tease: a 12-minute epilogue with Ben Linus reporting from the “Home Office” to Dharma’s warehouse station. “There’s a new man in charge.” Hugo! Video uploading has been disabled, but here’s the YouTube link.

Happy Friday.

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Tags: Television, Lost

Nerd Alert: Battlestar Galactica Exhibit Coming to EMP

The hit TV show—and its spaceships—land here in October.

Posted by: Tiffany Wan on Jun 15, 2010 at 11:30AM 1 Comments

Sex sells sci-fi. Tricia Helfer stars in the modern remake of Battlestar Galactica. Photo courtesy Alan Zenuk for SCI FI Channel (now Syfy Channel).

Experience Music Project and the Science Fiction Museum opens its doors to the first ever Battlestar Galactica exhibition on October 23 with props (including three full-size spaceships), costumes, exhibition films, and more from both the original 1978 sci-fi television series and the wildly popular remake that ended its four-season run last March. UPDATED 10/19/10. Even better? BG cast members Edward James Olmos (Admiral William Adama), Richard Hatch (Tom Zarek), Kate Vernon (Ellen Tigh), Michael Hogan (Colonel Saul Tigh), and Tahmoh Penikett (Karl ‘Helo’ Agathon), plus executive producers Ronald D. Moore and Glen Larson, are scheduled to attend opening weekend celebrations.

Fans can expect to learn more about the creation of both the 1978 and 2003-04 shows through storyboards and sketches: glimpses into the history of a fleet of human survivors in a war with the Cylon robots who seek sanctuary on the “lost” 13th colony, Earth. The exhibit also boasts something described as a “human/Cylon identity interactive.” Um…sure. Though the show has its Trekkie elements, it succeeds primarily because of its characters, rivaling Lost in terms of critical acclaim, fan fervor, and geeky analytical interpretations.

“ Battlestar Galactica is one of those rare science fiction shows that appeals to a wide range of people because it combines high adventure with very personal drama,” curator Brooks Peck said in a statement. “It explores what it means to be human, and has a lot of fun doing so.”

The exhibit opens October 23 and will stay camped on the third floor of EMP until March 4, 2012, when it becomes a traveling exhibit. You can also take part in these opening-day panel discussions:

Noon-1:30pm: BSG: The Birth of a Legend
Go behind the scenes of the 1978 series with EMP|SFM curator Brooks Peck, who interviews Glen Larson and Richard Hatch.

2:30-4:00pm: Sex, Blood and Cylons: The Re-imagination of Battlestar Galactica
EMP|SFM curator Brooks Peck leads a discussion about the 2004 series revamp with Ronald D. Moore, Edward James Olmos, Michael Hogan, Tahmoh Penikett and Kate Vernon.

Find more information at empsfm.org.

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Tags: Visual Art, Television

Lost Redux: The Final Post

Spoiler: We take a look at the series finale.

Posted by: Laura Dannen on May 24, 2010 at 10:00AM 1 Comments

I went to bed furious with Lost. The nerve, I thought, to end the series with seven straight minutes of metaphor and over two hours of sentimental curtain calls. I mean, I’d been lost by Lost before, but this time, there was no chance of clarification. No final-final episode to explain why Hurley’s still on the island if Smokey’s gone. Or why it really mattered if Smokey ever got off the island in the first place. Because everyone would die? Seems like everyone was already dead. Then I shook a fist of anger at Jimmy Kimmel for not asking any of the castaways “What just happened?” and fell back in bed disappointed and confused.

But to use a metaphor myself (they’re handy sometimes), I had missed the forest for the trees. Here’s what really mattered, in my opinion:

The island existed—always existed—in real time. People died there. Evil smoke ruled there. It could travel through time. The island was a metaphysical miracle, and that’s all we needed to know. Suspend disbelief when Frank Lapidus emerges from the wrecked submarine with enough wits to repair a crashed airplane and fly Miles, Richard, Kate and Sawyer home. Or when a nuclear bomb detonates and the island—and everyone on it—remains intact, in a different decade. Or that the island’s energy is kept in by an ancient cork. It was all ultimately a means to an end—a setting for the castaways to learn to be better people. And those castaways were the reasons we watched in the first place, from the very first flashback to their “awakenings” in the Sideways world.

Ironically, the writers did work purgatory/limbo into the storyline after denying early on that the island was purgatory. And though it took me a while to wrap my head around the existential now-ness of Sideways Limbo Land (like, why was Penny in the church, but Helen not? Aren’t you supposed to be surrounded by all your loved ones?), I cried every single time the castaways reunited. Claire, Kate and Charlie. Sawyer and Juliet. Even Sayid and Shannon. Michael Emerson and Terry O’Quinn proved that they do deserve their own show together when Ben asks Locke to forgive him outside the church.

As my colleague Melissa put it: The final episode wasn’t technically satisfying, but it was emotionally fulfilling. When Jack lay down to die in the bamboo forest with Vincent at his side, and his eyes fluttered shut—bringing the show full circle—I felt closure.

Even if it took a good night’s sleep to realize that.

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Tags: Television, Lost

Lost Redux

Spoiler: We take a look what’s new and confusing in the series’ penultimate episode.

Posted by: Laura Dannen on May 19, 2010 at 11:00AM 0 Comments

Jacob’s campfire stories. Photo courtesy Mario Perez/ABC.

This was the episode I was waiting for. Forget all the disappointments from last week (though, admittedly, I will be making golden cave jokes for a long time). “What They Died For” actually told us what they died for—a novel concept on Lost, but one that I’m betting fans appreciated. And for all the subplots and mythology, minutiae and monsters, what really matters now are the castaways. As it should be. Speaking of…

Until last night, a strong argument could be made that Hurley, Jack, or Sawyer would be the Candidate (now with a capital C). Hurley was the moral compass of the group, the only one who could really talk to dead people, and a natural ‘holy’ successor to “the man with the God complex.” Sawyer had shown growth, going from greedy ex-con to guy who’ll jump off a plane for the greater good. And then there was Jack—the man of science-turned-man of faith. The natural-born leader and wannabe martyr. So… who got the job? Wait for it…

Mystery #1, aka Jacob’s campfire stories: Why did Jacob bring them to the island? I can’t believe we actually heard the truth from Jacob. I was convinced they were going to end the episode with a cliffhanger…or that Smokey would fly through and snuff out Jacob’s fire before we heard anything. After all, they smoked out Richard within minutes of the show starting. (Though I’m not convinced Richard’s dead. A man who never ages doesn’t die so easily, and if Smokey can’t kill Jacob, how could he kill Jacob 2.0?)

Jacob gathers Hurley, Jack, Sawyer, and Kate around the campfire and starts to tell them one of the scariest stories they’ve ever heard: the tale of total self-sacrifice. It goes a little like this, though I did read in between the lines a bit:

Jacob: You’re here because I made a mistake. [Translation: I shoved my brother down a hole and he turned into a smoke monster.] Since then he’s been trying to kill me. [Translation: He’s a pain in the ass.] He found a loophole and managed to do so, so I brought you here to do what I couldn’t. [Translation: Kill the SOB.] I picked you because you were all flawed, like me. You were all alone. You needed this place as much as I needed you. [Translation: Hold me.]

But why didn’t you need me, or Sun or Jin, or Sayid? Kate asks indignantly. Fair point. Why were they crossed off the candidate list? Because you’re a mom, Kate. Sun and Jin were parents. (And Sayid was …um, full of darkness.) “You didn’t need the island.” Well…that makes perfect sense. It was one of those “A-ha!” moments with such a simple explanation, it made you feel a little dumb. Dumb and satisfied.

Then Jacob asks them to make a choice (something he never got to do), and volunteer to protect the light on the island. There’s the proverbial drumroll, and … Jack steps forward. Yesssss. Predictable? Who cares.

Jack: This is why I’m here. This is what I’m supposed to do.
Jacob: Is that a question, Jack?
[Pause.] No.
Then it’s time.

Jacob makes Jack drink from the Stagnant Stream of Youth, since the Wine Bottle of Youth was busted, and now Jack is “just like Jacob.” It was one of the saddest moments I can remember on this show. Jack is resigning himself to a lifetime of duty and loneliness; as always, Hurley says it best: “I’m just glad it wasn’t me.”

But you know what this means? It’s open season on Hurley and Sawyer, who—by relinquishing their candidacy—are vulnerable to Smokey. Things are going to get ugly in the final episode. As an aside, I think Kate is going to try to stay with Jack. She knows she has to give Aaron back to Claire, even though Mama’s crazy, and without Aaron, she has nothing. And if she tries to stay, Sawyer will inevitably try to make her leave. That’s just how it works. What would this show be without a final stab at a love triangle? The series started with Kate sewing up Jack after the plane crash, continued last night with Jack sewing Kate up, and (I think) will end with Kate dying to stay with Jack—literally.

Mystery #2: Why is Charles Widmore back on the island? Essentially, as a chaperone for Desmond. They unceremoniously wrote Widmore off the show last night, reducing all his manipulation, conniving, and deviousness to puppies and kittens. Widmore only comes back to the island because Jacob told him to, and he brings Desmond as a “fail-safe, a measure of last resort” for protecting the island. I mean, I know Lost’s producers have said this show is ultimately about characters being able to stop patterns of bad behavior, but they certainly streamline the plot when a villain turns good.

Doesn’t look like Ben’s changing his ways anytime soon, though. He shoots Widmore dead, then promises the Locke-Ness Monster to kill on his behalf. I can’t quite tell if Ben’s playing him for a fool or not. Is he a lost cause? So distraught about sentencing his daughter Alex to an early death, he’ll fill Sayid’s role as LNM’s hired gun? Or did Ben satisfy his quest for vengeance by finishing off Widmore? He could easily double-cross LNM and blow up the plane with that backpack full of C-4…

Meanwhile, some of the best lines of the night came during the scenes with Ben and Miles. A depressed Ben is still a hilarious Ben, and I love whoever came up with “secreter room.”

Mystery #3: Why is Desmond running people over in Sideways LA? Or beating them up in parking lots? To make them see. Whether it takes a near-death experience (Locke, Sun), or reliving an Island Universe experience (Ben, Hurley, Charlie), Desmond is showing people the way they were, like a Dickensian Ghost of Islands Past. And perhaps that opens them up to live a better life in the Sideways world; it gives them a second chance to improve on poor decisions. Ben can be a better father figure to Alex here than he was on the island. Locke can “let go” of his bitterness. And maybe that’s why the Sideways world ultimately matters.

Final thoughts: Loved the great escape staged by Desmond. He’s still my favorite character on the show…though I worry that Locke will give him an offer he can’t refuse: Destroy the island, or Penny dies.

How can I wait until Sunday?

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Tags: Television, Lost

Lost: The Final Predictions

With only one week to go before the island spotaneously combusts (it might!), we offer our most creative endings.

Posted by: Laura Dannen on May 18, 2010 at 10:00AM 2 Comments

See, things have always been stressful on Lost.

Everybody has an opinion about how Lost will end—including half my office. I never realized how many Lost fans I worked with until our chatter on Wednesdays started sounding like meetings of the A.V. Club. There were the hushed one-on-ones at 8:30am, when we would start our day ripping on golden caves and gratuitous miscasting (CJ from West Wing? Really?). Conversations ratcheted up over our second cup of coffee, and finally got a bit ridiculous around 5pm, when we would yell across the office about “evil escaping and ruling the Sideways world.”

After six seasons of smoke monsters and polar bears, time-traveling islands and dead men walking, this show can only get deliciously weirder. Before tonight’s penultimate episode (and the 2.5 hour finale on Sunday), we offer some of our more…creative possibilities for the show’s end:

“Ever since ‘Ab Aeterno’ revealed that the island was a cork designed to stop evil from spreading throughout the world, I’ve been convinced that the sideways-verse isn’t quite as great as it seems: If the island sank, then the evil escaped, right? My prediction: Our castaways will be forced to choose between their island and sideways-verse fates. The latter seems better (Jin and Sun are together, Hurley’s a happy bazillionaire, Locke’s marrying Helen, etc.), but it will be revealed after everyone but Jack opts to live out that life that it’s an alternate-reality hell where…Nikki and Paolo (or ’Nip’) are Hollywood’s most famous couple.” —Matt

“It’s tricky. For all I know Sawyer gets snuffed in tonight’s episode. But for now, when it comes to the last castaway standing, my money’s on the Mouth from the South. Why? No other character has shown more growth. Back in Season One—before the Others, before the Dharma Initiative, before Charles “bipolar Thurston Howell the Third” Widmore—Sawyer was the villain. Greedy, self-absorbed, and unrepentantly sarcastic, he horded medical supplies, splattered tree frogs for kicks, and swore his endgame was ‘every man for himself.’ The nickname-spewing ex-con’s only goal was killing the man who done him wrong as a kid (a goal that he achieved in Season Three). But season by season, we watched Sawyer soften—like the bunnies in his beloved Watership Down paperback—until he was sticking his neck out for fellow castaways and diving out of mainland-bound choppers for the greater good. What better coda for the show than to make Season One’s most hated the series hero? So come finale’s end, I think he’ll be the Candidate, the one protecting the island from smoke monsters and time share-resort developers. Again, this is assuming he doesn’t get killed in tonight’s episode. If he does, cribbing Sawyer’s own signature phrase, I say, ‘Son of a bitch.’” —James

“When Desmond turns the wheel in the well, it will magically repair the split between the ‘Island Universe’ and the ‘Alternate Universe.’ Anyone who is dead in either universe will reappear, alive and well, in the now singular neo-Island Universe, but they will be able to leave the island whenever they want. By this time Jack, Hurley, and Sawyer will have died in the Island Universe. Jack will lay down his life to save the remaining survivors; Sawyer will then lay down his life for Freckles, and Hurley will lay down his life for a ham sandwich. Desmond will perform a murder-suicide on Penny, child, and self in the Alternate Universe so they all survive. Those who are alive in both universes (Kate, Miles, Ben) will spontaneously combust. The Smokey-Man-In-Black will throw Widmore in the glowing cave, so that Widmore becomes the new Smoke Monster, unable to leave the island, ever. Locke will be alive in neo-Island Universe, and he and Boone will fall in love and share the job of protecting the island, happily ever after.” —Kelly

“Jack’s the candidate—I can smell ‘martyr’ a mile away. He’s made the ultimate transition from man of science to man of faith, and it only makes sense that he’s stuck guarding the island with the Smokey version of his Man-o’-Faith foil, Locke. But before that happens, everyone else is going to die (sob) and ‘come to life’ in the Sideways world, where they’ll all have ‘memories’ of the island and be friends and have BBQs in Hurley’s backyard. And Walt gets recruited out of high school to play for the New York Knicks.” —Laura

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Tags: Television, Lost