The Perfect Party

Here’s who we’d invite
 if we could entertain
 this month’s most interesting visitors, locals, and newsmakers.

SARAH WHITE

The Bishop Blanchet junior gave her Disneyland Half Marathon medal to another runner who couldn’t finish. “That was a marathon?” White said. “I thought I was in line for Space Mountain.”

PHOENIX JONES

The new media–courting masked avenger took heat from veteran Seattle superhero Mr. Ravenblade for giving “real” crime fighters a bad name. Uh, Mr. Ravenblade, speaking of bad names…

YELLOW PAGES

The directory’s publishers sued Seattle for allowing residents to deny delivery. Also named in the suit: the Internet, progress, and the modern era.

JOHN HENRY BROWNE

The Barefoot Bandit’s lawyer said he’ll “bankrupt” Island and San Juan counties if they prosecute his client. Then he offered to represent them in bankruptcy court.

FELIX HERNANDEZ

The Mariners ace says he cried after winning the Cy Young Award. He realized how much he could have made as a free agent if he hadn’t re-signed with the M’s last year.

SARAH SENSE-WILSON

The concerned parent asked Seattle Public Schools to bump a book from the curriculum. “Was it a phone book?” a Yellow Pages rep asked. “If it was, we’ll sue her.”