For those whose hearts are three sizes too small.
All those cheery holiday memories—all the noise, noise, noise. Why doesn’t anyone talk about the time the angry three-legged reindeer attacked the family? In Wing-It’s (wingitpresents.com) annual improv comedy show, Uncle Mike Ruins Christmas with bawdy retellings of audience members’ anecdotes. ✭ If you prefer Jack and Coke to milk and cookies, join the stumbling caravan of pub-crawling Santas as it spreads holiday sneer across Seattle on December 15. It’s Santarchy! ✭ The wholly unholy Christmas parody Wisemen returns to ACT (acttheatre.org), where the law firm of Goldberg, Frankenstein, and Murray investigates Joseph of Nazareth’s paternity suit and the shady corporate dealings of Santa Inc. ✭ How can we celebrate when the planet’s about to combust? SIFF Uptown honors the Mayan calendar with an Apocalypse Film Festival (siff.net) and—if we make it past December 21—a postapocalypse music video party. ✭ Even a Grinch breaks at some point. Indulge in some rare roast beast at John Howie Steak in Whovue (johnhowiesteak.com) and a little night music when the Whos sing carols—competitively—around Westlake Center in the Great Figgy Pudding Street Corner Caroling Competition.